[access-uk] Some funny Help Desk stuff from John Rollup

From: "Ray's Home" <rays-home@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <access-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2004 20:43:39 -0000
Hi.  Just for light releaf.  originaly posted on TAFN.
Ray

Personal emails:  Email me at
mailto:ray-48@xxxxxxxx


Hello all,

Thought you all might find this amusing.

  After reading this I feel like a computer genius!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

  Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

  Customer: A white one...

  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

  Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

  Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

  Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

  Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still
on my desk... sorry ....
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.

  Customer: Your left or my left?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

  Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

  Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

  Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm
not Bill
Gates damn it!
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try it says
'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it
in front
of  the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Customer: I have problems printing in red...

  Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?

  Customer: No.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

  Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
supermarket.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

  Customer: It's not working.

  Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

  Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening...
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

  Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

  Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

  Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

  Customer: OK

  Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

  Customer: Yes

  Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another
keyboard?

  Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
work!
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital
letter  V as in Victor, the number 7.

  Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  A customer couldn't get on the internet.

  Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

  Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

  Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

  Customer: Five stars.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

  Customer: Netscape.

  Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

  Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

  Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.
Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?

  Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

  Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button
more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  Helpdesk: How may I help you?

  Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

  Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

  Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' but how do I get the
circle around
it?

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[access-uk] Some funny Help Desk stuff from John Rollup

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