[aarontech] funny dog guidelines
- From: "Valiant8086" <valiant8086@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <aarontech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:35:53 -0400
> THINGS I MUST REMEMBER WHEN I COME BACK AS A DOG....
> 1. The garbage man is not stealing our stuff.
> 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when lying under the coffee
> table.
> 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the
> bed.
> 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
> 5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw
> it up.
> 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet
> when I am
> about to throw up.
> 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs etc just because I like
> the way
> they smell.
> 9. "Kitty Box Crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
> 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in
> the backyard
> after processing.
> 11. The diaper bucket is not a cookie jar.
> 12. I will not chew crayons or pens especially the red ones, or my people
> will think
> I'm hemorrhaging.
> 13. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
> 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window down when it's
> raining.
> 15. When we do not have a doorbell, I will not bark each time I hear one
> on T.V.
> 16. I will not steal my mom's nickers and dance all over the backyard with
> it.
> 17. The lounge is not a face towel. Neither are moms and dads laps.
> 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's
> drivers license
> and registration.
> 20. I will not play tug of war with dad's underwear when he is on the
> toilet.
> 21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage,
> because
> I don't want to have a
> string hanging out of my butt.
> 22. I will not play "roll around in the dirt" just after having a bath.
> 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
> saying hello.
> 24. I will not hump any person's leg just because I thought it was the
> right thing
> to do.
> 25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping next to their head.
> 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bum across the
> carpet.
> 27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because
> the water
> is blue it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
> 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
> when company
> is over.
> 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt makes people put me
> outside.
> 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy. So when I play with him and he makes
> that noise,
> it's usually not a good thing.
> 31. I will refrain from making my appearance known at dinner parties by
> crawling
> under the dining room table and tossing my cookies on the guests' feet.
> 32. I will remember that even a 6 pound ankle-biter can cause pain when
> flying into
> an unwary abdomen full tilt.
> 33. I should curb my desire to *kiss* people after I have licked my
> privates or
> my butt.
> 34. I cannot sing, period, no matter how good I THINK I sound.
> Especially for no damn reason, in the middle of the night.
> 35. I will remember that while having good taste is shoes is very
> important for
> humans,
> it can prove deadly for canines.
>
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