• From: Helen Knott <hiknott2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: women_of_phoenix@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Mon, 18 Oct 2010 16:41:12 +0100

This is So TRUE!!
 WARNING - Contains a fair bit of foul language...if you can take it then
read on, sympathise and have a laugh

AN ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER SENT: how true this is from a UK paper

Dear Sirs
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the
Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date?  For
goodness sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my
pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past
30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car
insurance, AND on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those
stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed
off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census
    Would some body please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be abso-fucking-lutely
astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
    I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me,
I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then
you ask me for my fucking address !!!!  What is going on? Do you have a gang
of Neanderthal arseholes working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look
like Bin Laden?  I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I
just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would
someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting
a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to
a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd
want to tell!
    Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the
poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune
of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot
to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo,
that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense.  You'd rather have us running
all over the fucking place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have
to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture -
you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fucking
morons) Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to?  Because
we're totally pissed off!
Signed  An Irate Citizen.
    P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776
........ I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have
had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake
highly secretive missions all over the world.  ......... However, I have to
get someone 'important' to verify who I am  - you know, someone like my
from You Sure The Hell Should Know

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