[win2kforum] My life
- From: "Andrew L Shriner" <andrew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:@core.greenapple.com;>
- Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 16:58:55 -0400
(Please excuse any profanity this message may have. I'll try not to use it; but
right now I'm mad at my parents.)
There have been a LOT of people who have asked me what is going on in my life,
showed support, etc. I love to chat about such things, but I don't have time to
retype the exact same message over and over. Here's what's actually happening.
I know that this message may seem redundant to some, since some know more about
me than others, but this message is being sent to many people, and I don't have
time to individually change the message.
First of all, some of you know that I'm gay, and some of you don't. So there it
is. If you don't like it, either unsubscribe from the mailing lists that I
moderate, because I'm intolerant of homophobes, or adjust. Sorry to sound rude;
homophobic people have really gotten on my nerves in the last few days.
As I said, I'm gay, and my parents are extremely homophobic. My dad throws a
fit and loses his temper if I so much as go to McDonald's, since they openly
hire gays (or so he has said). Therefore, I can't tell my parents. I'm afraid
for my life because I don't know what they would do if they did find out. My
sister already told them of the rumors going around the school that I'm gay,
and I denied it. I think that mom believed me, I'm not sure.
My parents have been emotionally abusing me for almost 7 years. That's around
the time that my uncle died and my mom started college again, and has since
believed that she knows everything. Both of my parents make fun of me for
everything I do and try to do. Nothing I do is right, according to them. My
grades are slipping because I can't concentrate in school, I'm too concerned
about home, etc. It's sort-of a catch 22. I can't remember when I last received
a compliment from them. It's been ages.
I just can't handle the situation by myself any more. I told a few teachers at
the highschool, as well as a few friends that I trust. I haven't told that many
people, though. One person, that I have not told, walked in the auditorium
yesterday, and practically screamed "Looks like there's a faggot on the
catwalk!!!" I ran over to the other side of the catwalk, but didn't see who it
was. I have a good idea though. Had I gotten there in time, he may just have
met a 200 pound 10 mirror reflection spotlight on it's way to the floor to
greet him. (No, I wouldn't have done it, but it would be nice to give him the
scare of his life. He doesn't realize how many daggers he is throwing each time
he says that stuff.)
Mom took my computer a few days ago, and locked it in her office. She then
locks the office at night, so I can't use it while she's asleep. Sad thing; I'm
very much more productive in the middle of the night for some reason. Last
night, mom said that I wasn't going to have access to the computer at all
tonight. By some devine intervention or something, the lock on the door failed
to close. That's how I'm able to send this e-mail. While she was on her
screaming streak last night, she also forbade me from ever helping the music
department again. Simply put, like hell am I going to leave the department. The
music department means the world to me. Sometimes, even more than computers do.
I don't care how terrible my mom tries to make my life, she will fail. I don't
care if I literally have to walk the 20 miles to the school, I will help the
department, and I will be at every last damn music booster meeting. (Since this
message is going to one of the music department directors, do NOT try to stop
me from helping you or slow down the pace any. I WILL continue to help, no
matter what mom says!)
I was about to commit suicide a couple of weeks ago, when I suddenly had the
urge to call my best friend in Columbus. I didn't tell him what I was about to
do, but his words calmed me down enough that I realized that I never want to do
that. He also said that if I was ever in danger, to just call, and he'd help
out any way possible ASAP. If I ever have that feeling again, I will call him
or some other adult that I trust.
I promised the technology director today that I would talk to one of the
guidance counselors tomorrow. So now I just need to decide which one. I'm sure
that they will try to get me professional help. It will probably hinder more
than help, but oh well. I'm willing to try anything.
I need to get going. If you have further questions, please ask them! I love to
chat with people. (My contact info is somewhere in my signature lines below
this message.) I just wanted to let everyone know this up front, so I didn't
have to type everything over and over many times. Feel free to send me a
message any time, I just don't know how soon I will get to it. I will actually
have some online access, but not much. Just don't send anything time sensitive.
Andrew
-----
"A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back
to you when you have forgotten the words."
-----
Andrew L Shriner
Shriner Technology
andrew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-----
ICQ: 9284919
AIM: shrinercomp
Yahoo: shrinertech
MSN: shrinercomp
-----
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