(VICT) Re: Dogs and God

hahahahahahahahahahaha Maureen that was a good one....
Ridge and Buckley SD
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Maureen<mailto:maureensmusic@xxxxxxxxxxx> 
  To: 'kitty hevener'<mailto:khevener@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> 
  Cc: Gary Lagerstedt<mailto:gclager@xxxxxxxxxxx> ; 
vi-clicker-trainers@xxxxxxxxxxxxx<mailto:vi-clicker-trainers@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> 
  Sent: Monday, February 26, 2007 6:03 AM
  Subject: (VICT) Dogs and God

  To God from the dog
  Dear God:

  Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

  Dear God:

  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...or is it going to be the 

  same old

  -stay-off-it story?

  Dear God:

  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the 

  colt, the

  stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see 

  a cougar

  riding around with its head out the window of a car? We dogs love a nice 

  ride! Would

  it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

  Dear God:

  If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he 

  still a bad

  dog?

  Dear God:

  We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, 

  horns,

  clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee 

  flight

  paths. What do humans or cats understand?

  Dear God:

  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

  Dear God:

  When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to "sit up" to get in?

  Dear God:

  Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

  Dear God:

  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember in order 

  to be

  a good dog:

  1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it 

  up.

  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, etc., just because I like the way


  they

  smell.

  3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they 

  are tasty,

  they are not food.

  4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

  5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

  6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

  7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's 

  license

  and registration.

  9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

  10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of 

  saying 'hello.'

  11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the 

  coffee table.

  12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

  13. I will not throw up in the car.

  14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the 

  carpet.

  15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when 

  company

  is over.

  16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that 

  noise,

  it's usually not a good thing.

  And, finally, my last question.... ...

  Dear God:

  When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

  Maureen

   






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