(VICT) Dogs and God

To God from the dog
Dear God:

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...or is it going to be the 

same old

-stay-off-it story?

Dear God:

Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the 

colt, the

stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see 

a cougar

riding around with its head out the window of a car? We dogs love a nice 

ride! Would

it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he 

still a bad

dog?

Dear God:

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, 

horns,

clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee 

flight

paths. What do humans or cats understand?

Dear God:

More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to "sit up" to get in?

Dear God:

Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember in order 

to be

a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it 

up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, etc., just because I like the way


they

smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they 

are tasty,

they are not food.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's 

license

and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of 

saying 'hello.'

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the 

coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the 

carpet.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when 

company

is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that 

noise,

it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question.... ...

Dear God:

When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Maureen

 




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