Hi ya'll:
O.k. I warned you about my sense of humor.... Well, I originally posted this
to the Birdband list-serve last year, where it was met with rave reviews, and I
thought ya'll might enjoy it. Essentially, I just re-wrote the lyrics to suit
my needs....so enjoy (or curse me, either way.....). I hope that you noticed
that I corrected my spelling of ya'll. I was informed that there was only one
"a" in it. That's a cheesehead for ya, I guess....
I Am the Very Model of a Master-Bander, Personal
© 2002, Richard L. Smallwood-Roberts, Master-Bander (Personal)
Sung to the tune of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General from the
musical, HMS Pinafore.
I am the very model of a Master-Bander, Personal
I capture migrant passerines, with which Im very versatile
I know their very Latin names though short or long or whimsical
From Actitis to Zenaida in genus categorical
Im very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
I measure bills from lores to tip with zeal that seems fanatical
Or primaries or retrices of which I cannot often choose
But cheerfully I measure them and then I measure tarsus too
Im very good at using traps and also of erecting nets
Im faster than all others (but on that I am not taking bets)
When capturing the adult birds and even with the juveniles
I am the very model of a Master-Bander, Personal
I know avian history from the dinosaurs to Sparrow, Fox
From lizards to our feathered friends, I find it quite a paradox
To think a Black-Capped Chickadee descends from Archaeopteryx
Bewilders me and leaves me with a painful headache in the mix
I can tell the sex of birds whether in hand or in the trees
Of course, I know theres some quite hard so I should say well usually
In fact, Ill say that for some species it can be a dulling chore
But in all cases, circumspect, Id rather do that than be bored
Then I take the data and I put it all in written form
Recording details, some minute, from age and sex to the wing chord
In short no matter what it is from adult birds to juveniles
I am the very model of a Master-Bander, Personal
In fact I know just what is meant by nape and supercilium
And I can tell apart Flycatchers, Alder and Acadian
When dealing with such species the I.D. I am more wary at
But I can say precisely I can age a Yellow-breasted Chat
When I have learned near everything in modern Ornithology
When I know more of plumage than a novice at the IBP*
In short when Im an expert with a Veerys wing morphology
Youll say a better Master-Bander, Personal youll never see
For all my avian knowledge, though Im hyper drinking black coffee
Has been expounded on for three decades in the last century
But still in matters of I.D. of adult birds and juveniles
I am the very model of a Master-Bander, Personal
*Institute for Bird Populations
Richard L. Smallwood-Roberts, Janesville, WI: M-Bander, Wilson Creek MAPS
Station, SBBO Staff: www.wilsoncreekmaps.com
"It seemed to me that, somehow, the Blue Jay was trying to communicate with me.
I would see him fly into the house across the street, pick up the telephone,
and dial. My phone would ring, and it would be him, but it was just this
squawking and cheeping. "What?! What?!" I would yell back, but he never did
speak English."
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