[ussbansheec] The Most Important Thing

_The Most Important Thing_
by Aneirin tr'Ghaladriel & PJ McEntire-Burroughs
/The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.--Theodore Hesburgh/
// Aneirin was at eye level with the largest fern that sat on his desk. "Don't worry," he told it warmly. "We'll be back to Mother and Di'nanov before long." A slight smile warmed his face. "Even this would make Mother admit that she missed us." He liked the office. After five years, it felt like his won and it, other than his quarters, were an island of tranquility in a world that had gone mad.

PJ left the others as they began to pace around and entered the doctor's office quietly. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

Aneirin stood up as he recognized the head Tactical officer. "Of course," he said in his usual mild and polite tones. He gestured toward the chair across the desk. "Have a seat, Commander."

"Thank you," she smiled as she sat across from him. "I have a little...problem...well, potential problem..and I need help deciding what to do about it. And..however its decided..I need it not to go any further than just you and I. Alright?"

Aneirin retook his seat behind the desk and fixed his dark eyes on her. "Commander, I'm a physician. What is said between me and a patient falls under doctor/patient confidentiality, unless, of course, it presents an immediate life threat to the ship," he replied, his face Vulcan calm.

"Yes, but you work with my sister, and even that confidentiality can at times be overlooked among colleagues. I will assume this is your assurance that it won't be however." Rising and beginning to pace, she added quietly. "It appears I may be pregnant again."

"Commander, I enjoy working with Dr. McEntire but my respect for her is superceded by my values so have no fear: what she hears won't be from my mouth," Aneirin said. The Vulcan calm was broken by a raised brow at her additional statement. He watched her calmly, though. "I see. Do you know how far along?"

"About ten weeks would be my best guess, since we stopped....well. There were no opportunities after that for conception." PJ replied, trying to keep it as cold and impersonal as possible.

"Alright. What seems to be the difficulty? I somehow doubt this is simply a first prenatal visit," he said quietly.

"You are correct," she replied, trying to find it within herself to say what she knew she needed to say. Drawing a breath, and reminding herself that she was in no position to raise a child on her own. That was why he was keeping the others, right? Denying her custody for their sakes, wasn't that what he'd said? "I can't have another child." she said, her voice sounding harsh, even in her own ears.

"Commander, so far as I am aware, you are physically healthy enough to do so, at least you were as of your last Fleet physical," Aneirin replied, his voice still calm. It was obvious that she was quite agitated. There was more to it but it would come out on its own. "You have two already, don't you?"

No, she thought. He has them. He's keeping them, and everything else and sending me on my way so he can play house with a woman who'll come home every night. A woman who'll come home to my house and my children and my life while I'm stuck here watching everything and everyone else I love fall apart. Aloud, however, she replied simply. "Yes, I do."

Aneirin stood up slowly, as gracefully as both of his parents would have. He approached her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Commander, sit down. I'll make you some tea and we can talk. I don't mean to press but I need to understand what sort of help you need or want," he said. He offered her a slight shrug. "Believe it or not, I am not prone to gossip even on my worst days."

"Neither am I," PJ answered, shaking her head. Looking up at the young man,she tried to decide how much to say.

"Would you like me to redo your physical and check the fetus' status? That is the start of any prenatal program after all," he said, stating what he knew to be obvious.

She shook her head. "It's status is irrelevant. I can't have it." tears began to course unbidden down her cheeks and she wiped them away angrily.

Gently but firmly, he steered her to the chair and sat her down. Without a word, he brought over not just his own chair but a supply of facial tissues as well. "Why not?"

"Because I can't do it alone, and I won't give it to him to raise. He's already taking our other two." She began to sob as she admitted what was happening out loud for the first time. "He's taking my children, and my home and replacing me with his goddamn assistant. He had his lawyer call just before we got to the anomaly and sent me the divorce papers via subspace delivery. He couldn't even tell me himself." She began to sob uncontrollably, more hurt and angry than she'd ever been before.

"Lhonae," Aneirin muttered without thinking. He bit his lip. It was his father's voice but he had no idea if that would hurt the woman or not. "My apologies, Commander. I...why must you raise the child alone?"

"Because I am soon to be so," PJ answered, trying hard to pull herself together

"I hardly think so, Commander," Aneirin said quietly. "My parents were only fortunate enough to have a single child but I am well aware of the bond between siblings and how much support can be gained by it. Do you think that the other four will not help you?"

PJ shook her head. "They can't know. There's too much going on for each of them. It was already like they were all falling apart too, and now...with Joshie..." She lowered her head, allowing her hair to obscure her face as the tears began again, her worry for her brother coming to the forefront.

Aneirin didn't let out the sigh. It was all mental. He knew what she was saying without asking. "And you wish to terminate the pregnancy?" he asked, not unkindly.

PJ began to cry harder. "What other choice is there? I can't...I can't do this..."

He was a doctor, certainly, but he was also a decent person, his parents' son. He took a tissue then tilted her face up with one hand, dabbing at the tears carefully. "You could seek support from others, aside from your siblings," he said quietly, seeking to calm the poor woman. "Do you really want to terminate or do you see that as the only logical alternative?"

"Do you see another?" she asked, trying to bring herself under control.

Aneirin blew out a soft breath. He finished the job of dabbing her tears away but kept the tissues handy. How to word this without making himself look like a veruul..."There are logical alternatives and then there are just simply alternatives. May my mother forgive me but logic is not all."

PJ smiled, shaking her head as she pulled herself together. "No, it's really not. I just...I'm not sure I'm up to raising a child myself." She looked at him earnestly "What if he's right? I mean, if the others...if Patrick and Suzie are so much better off without me..."

"Do you really see yourself as a bad mother?" he asked. He didn't see it that way but that was not for him to say unless he was asked. "I certainly ..."

PJ shook her head. "You know..it's funny..I never did before. But he's right. I'm never there. I've missed so many birthdays and Christmases...."

"I speak only from observation but it amazes me how many parents are 'there' yet not. One might have a plastic mannequin stand in and no one would notice. Worse, still, are the ones who would force their own wants and needs upon the child rather than care about what the child wants," Aneirin told her seriously. "Better that a child knows a parent wants to be there than to have one there who doesn't care."

PJ nodded slowly."You're right. He's there every day, but when it's something important, they call me. Only they can't even do that now. He's got Shelby in there now playing mommy for them..." She drew her hands into a fist angrily as she went on, "Shelby with her perfect figure and fancy manners and parties and money. She's only eight years older than his son, for God's sakes!"

Warm hands sough to calm her and settled over the fists. "As I said, I'm an only child but I remember certain things. One of them is that children are much more perceptive than they seem.," he began, smiling slightly. It was rare enough when he did that but he liked children, didn't mind actually talking to them. "I am sure the children have an opinion of their own and that it is hardly their father's."

"That's true. If he thinks my children are just going to fall in line and play house with that tart!" PJ actually laughed then at the image. "They're not exactly fond of her."

One brow went up but the slight smile remained. "Wise children indeed. They are McEntires to the core, then." Dark eyes settled on her face. "While this one's genetic makeup is half its father's, will its other half not be yours, too? Another McEntire?"

"Oh, yes, Susanna is so like I was at that age. And Patrick." she laughed again, her eyes filling with adoration."My God, if that boy were any more like James I'd shoot him myself." Laughing joyously she added, "That woman is SO in for it!"

His smile widened even further. "Yes, your brother is very...himself, isn't he?" he mused. He was fully aware that he was still holding both her hands but he was concentrating on settling her down. That smile was well worth anything. "It sounds as though they are quite sturdy children then. This one could be, too." 

PJ nodded, her eyes saddening again. "It could be, couldn't it?"

"Though by now, it really isn't an 'it' but a 'he' or 'she'," he told her. "One who would have a strong and beautiful mother." 

"But no father," PJ answered sadly, looking at his hands over hers.

"I...why not?" he asked softly. Was it better mnhei'sahe to keep silent and not look at another's woman or was it better to honor the truth? He preferred the truth, especially when the other man did not deserve the woman. "Is there no other who would make a father strong enough for a McEntire?"

She looked at him, then away quickly, chiding herself for even thinking it. What would he want with her? "None that's expressed any such interest," she answered honestly.

He had nothing to lose, except a small fantasy he'd had for a few years, by speaking his mind. "It may well be that certain people's norms would keep them from disrupting a happy marriage or a good bond," Aneirin told her. "It may be that that same person has kept silent because of that."

"Maybe," PJ answered, nodding slowly. Could he be saying what she thought he was? "Married people, even unhappily married people, often won't speak of interest in another so long as that marriage exists." She looked at him seriously. "But mine doesn't. Not anymore."

His hands were still on hers but his eyes were for her face and a pair of lovely hazel eyes. "So then it would not shame you to hear that since I set foot on this ship, that I have wanted to know you, to understand and be with you?"

She shook her head slowly, afraid for a moment she was dreaming. "Not at all..." she paused, drawing a shaky breath. "I want that too." She wiped another tear, rapidly growing irritated with herself. "Oh, your mother'd love that. Seeing her only son with a newly divorced emotional wreck ..carrying another man's child."

"My father was, when they met, a political refugee. He still is proudly very Rihannsu, as is my uncle," he said in that same quiet tone, daring to wipe a tear away with his finger. "She knows I am his son, as well. She would expect that I do what I feel is right, what mnhei'sahe and logic both demand."

"And what would that be?" PJ asked, as if daring him to say it out loud.

"That I've been in love with you since I first set eyes on you," he said slowly, the warm smile now appearing fully. "Vulcans do have feelings, you know. It is the mastery of them that is cherished. They are still there."

PJ looked at him, amazed. "Really? You love me? Even though I'm...39 and pregnant and pushy and overbearing and selfish...and...and...well...just me?"

He snorted softly in amusement that would probably never be shown to the general public. "You should hear what people used to say about my mother," he said with a smirk. "They called her cold and an ice woman yet she and my father have been together, and happily, for many years. I don't see you as selfish or pushy. In fact, you've gone out of your way to be the exact opposite, Patricia."

"Nobody else would see it like that," PJ admitted. "I've got kind of a long history of doing exactly the wrong thing. As them," she nodded toward the room where her siblings remained. All of the sudden her eyes widened. "Oh, shit...Amanda..." she shook her head, angry at herself for her own stupidity. "Nobody's told her...she doesn't know about Joshie...."

"Then she does not know he's ill?" Aneirin shook his head. "One of you ought to persuade him to."

"He can't," she gasped, unable to believe her own selfishness. "He's unconscious...barely stable...we found him..." she began to sob again. "Unconscious...not breathing...no pulse...and nobody called his wife...oh, God..."

"Shhh..." He got up to kneel next to her and slip his arm around her. "Patricia...listen to me. If you want me to go with you and tell her, I will. Use my strength."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she drew comfort as she pulled herself together yet again. When at last she was sure she could be strong enough for the others again, she stood. Blowing out a breath, she asked, "Okay, how shitty do I look? I don't want to scare her walking up all pug-faced."

"You," he said softly, "are not pug faced." He very gently kissed her forehead. "You are lovely. There is a small fresher there if you want to put cold water on your face but you need no improvement."

Kissing him quickly upon the cheek, she freshened up as well as she could, then turned back to him. "Okay. Time to tell Amanda."

Aneirin held his hand out to her. "We will go together but perhaps you shall lead in this case?"

PJ nodded, taking his hand. "Let's do this."

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