<USS Banshee> Heart to Heart

"Heart to Heart"
By Lt. Jg Heather Mclouson 
     Lt Sara Crusher

Heather stood up from her chair and stretched. Files, reports, updates, if 
she never saw them again it would be fine with her. Sending off the last one 
in her inbox file she stood up to leave. As she was exiting she heard the 
annoying beep that signified she had just been sent some more files to work 
on. "I swear people just can't let a body be can they?" She walked out to the 
familiar scene of the few night shift workers getting set up at their 
stations. Well it was familiar of the last few days or so. Ever since she had 
been placed under 'house arrest' she had found herself sticking around a bit 
longer since this was the only place other than her quarters she was allowed 
to go to. Nodding to the staff she noticed that oddly enough, Sara's office 
light was still on. "She's usually outta here first crack she gets...well 
unless she's got a patient." Heather commented. Curious she walked over and 
rang the chime. "Hey if I can stay out a little late. I'm up for anything." 

The ship's library had plenty of information on Betazoid customs, rituals, 
and traditions, but it was all so PC and didn't really get the real reasons 
and means. It was all so text book and Sara knew if the Banshee crew was 
going to make it though the pending visit by the Betazed Ambassador they 
would need the real down low, so Sara sat at her desk and scribbled down a 
few need to knows that she planned on sending to Andros and Rhi.. Sara shook 
her head, "It's Morrigan, not Rhi, nothing's changed, she doesn't want it to, 
she's Morrigan, Damn it." She scolded herself. The soft buzzing that her 
computer made at each shift change rang in her ear but Sara didn't move. She 
stayed at her desk and found more and more work to, just like she had almost 
every night since they had returned to the ship. Sara stood and got herself a 
mocha latte and was heading back to her desk when her door chime rang.. She 
quickly went cold, sat behind her desk and in a very flat monotone voice 
called out. "Come." 

Heather waltzed in, a half smile on her face, still tapping that damn stylus 
against her leg. But as soon as she caught sight of Sara she froze. She 
hadn't seen her boss look that...that...well there weren't any words. Heather 
just sat down on the couch tapping, she didn't really know what to say. Sure 
she'd been around people who'd acted like this but they were men, and well... 
Dropping that thought she focused, "So,  uh..." Yeah great opening Heather, 
she scolded herself, you sounded like an idiot.

"Ah, Lieutenant, just the person I wished to see." Sara said as she watched 
Heather sit on the couch. "I've been reading the reports on your "incident" 
and wanted to get your point of view." Sara scanned the surface of her desk 
for the right padd. "I was confused by Lieutenant Asper's comments and hoped 
you could clear that up for me and maybe explain the new hardware on your 
foot." 

Heather paused mid tap. Lieutenant? Oh you're in for it now Heather... She 
tried to swallow but the formality of her usually friendly boss was severely 
disturbing to her. "The incident." She squeaked out, making it quite obvious 
to see how she felt. "Right," Another attempt at clearing her throat, no 
avail, "It uh, started on Earth I think I hit my head or something," she 
lied, "and when I woke up I was here...thinking I was going to do something 
terrible." She trailed off. Of all people why couldn't she tell Sara the 
truth? She had told that stupid aid at the base and she was sure some other 
crewmen heard her while she was half dazed in Sick Bay. She couldn't 
continue, her face was composed to show non-interest but she was practically 
choking on her words. 

There was an unease in the room that Sara had always told herself she’d try 
and avoid when she gain a commanding position. It lingered in the air like a 
thick fog between herself and someone she considered a friend. Sara sighed 
deeply as she shook her head. She had allowed the awkward and somewhat foul 
mood she'd been in to make her edgy and cold. Yet she felt as if she needed 
that barrier between her and the rest of the world right now, even with her 
friend. "The reports say that you confessed to killing someone and that you 
were not in your right mind at the time. Does this have anything to do with 
the shielding I removed?" 

Heather calmed down. Or rather she forced herself to calm down. Ever since 
shore leave she had been uncharacteristically jumpy. "I didn't say that I had 
killed someone. I said I was going to. There is a difference. " Her voice was 
even now and she had no problem not tapping that stylus. "And I believe a 
portion of me was in my right mind. Because I remember it." She paused trying 
to remember the last part of the question, "Oh and it didn't have anything to 
do with the walls. I haven't even been affected by them for sometime now. 
You'll note in my records coming back from shore leave I didn't require 
medication anymore." 

Sara looked over the padd and nodded. "Then what happened?" She asked. Her 
cold tone slipped a little and the concern she felt for her friend was 
evident. Sara pushed her chair back from her desk and took a more relaxed 
position in it. 

"I told you, I think I hit my head. Made me delusional or something..." 
Heather bit her lip. "Yeah, I think I just hit my head." 

"I don't think so, Heather." Sara said as she shook her head. "Something 
feels off with you and it's more then a bump on the head." Sara slowly 
relaxed and started acting more like herself. "I wish I had been here. No one 
ran a toxicology series or anything on you." 

Heather's eyes got vacant, "I wonder...could it have been a dream?" Realizing 
she said that out loud she quickly tried to cover with a very odd looking 
smile. "How was your trip?"

Sara became ridged and cold again. "It.." She wasn't sure how to describe it. 
"It's over." She said as she picked up her mug and took a long drink of her 
now luke warm latte.  

"Ohhhh..." Heather caught on quickly. She had been trained to pick up actions 
and signals. Where? She didn't remember nor did she care it helped her 
tremendously with odd stuff like this. But just to see if she could pick up 
the cause she continued, "How about Cy? Or the Captain?"

"What about them?" Sara sniped as she looked over her mug.. 

A big grin spread over her face. She couldn't help it. "Oh nothing. Just 
curious that's all." Her eyes glistened as Sara's reaction to that meeting 
was finally explained. The only question now...what happened? But Heather 
didn't even know how to poke around that
subject. 

Sara hadn't meant to snipe at Heather but she wasn't in the best of moods and 
she just couldn't shake it. Cyanah hadn't even completely gotten her to stop 
brooding around their quarters. It just seemed as if Sara were mad at the 
world and wanted to keep it that way. "Cyanah's fine." She answered after it 
had dawned on her that Heather was asking how she was. "As is the Captain." 

"Well that's good to hear..." She couldn't help it, "How was Ireland?" She 
had found out from the staff that Ireland was the place Sara had gone after 
the Captain's surgery, and couldn't help seeing if she struck another nerve. 

There was a clear look of surprise on Sara's face. She hadn't expected anyone 
to know where she had gone. "It was nice." She said flatly. It had started 
out wonderfully, for the first day and half anyway, then just went down hill. 
There were to many secrets, to much to deal with, to many twists and turns 
for Sara's comfort. "It rained a lot." She added after taking another drink. 
Rain, tears, same thing she thought to herself.  

Quite glad to be off the subject of her events she was trying to piece 
together the evidence of Sara's foul mood. And going on a feeling she got 
through that forced link she asked, "Did you find what you were looking for?" 
Heather almost held her breath,
hoping not to offend Sara and yet trying to get her to spill at the same 
time. 

Sara's head hit the back of her chair as it jerk in surprise. No one except 
Cyanah, Morrigan, and Kathryn knew why she was going to Ireland. How did... 
Sara felt something... Someone who wasn't Cy in her mind. "Hey! Knock that 
off!" 

Heather sighed, "I can't. And besides I'm only trying to help since you 
obviously can't talk to any of the people who are involved in this. I figured 
you needed to vent." She leaned back grinding her teeth together, bad habit 
but it helped relieve stress. 

Venting Vs brooding? Sara still liked the idea of brooding but this dark funk 
was not her and it was becoming stressful and tiring. "I found what I was 
looking for and a whole hell of a lot more." She said as she stated to rub 
her temples. "I didn't say anything before cause I didn't want to up set 
you.. But when I took down your walls I some how took down some of my own. I 
was having memory flashes that I couldn't explain. Then the captain's whole 
mess made them worse." 

Heather nodded half-pleased with herself for getting Sara to talk a bit and 
half-upset that she caused Sara to suffer because she wanted to be free. "So 
her accident caused her mother to come, which triggered more memories, which 
led you to somewhere else, triggering more memories until you got to the 
cataclysmic finale that you all of a sudden wish you had never bothered to 
look for in the first place?" Heather paused eyebrow raised wondering if she 
was agreeing with Sara or describing herself...minus the figuring everything 
out part. 

Sara nodded a little. "Partly. I'm glad I figured it out because what I had 
blocked out, not willing blocked by the way, were things I never wanted to 
lose. Whole people, relationships, and feelings that I dearly cherish. It 
wasn't easy hashing it all out. The memories lead to something that.." She 
paused not sure how to explain it, "that I did to someone I cared.." She 
paused again, she was mad at her but she still cared about her, "someone I 
care about."

Heather just nodded. "I think I understand..." She looked at the stylus on 
the couch which she had dropped then back at Sara with a small grin on her 
face. "I'm glad you figured it out. Now don't  you feel better?" 

"Do I feel better that I got a huge part of my life back, yes. Do I feel 
better about having people back in my life who care about me and whom I 
adore, yes. Do I feel better about what I did, I'm not sure." Sara said 
rubbing the back of her neck. "It's hard to stop feeling something when 
you've lived with it for ten years. Who knows if I'll ever forgive myself for 
causing the explosion, but at least I know why I feel the way I do." 

"Explosion? Wow...that would be hard to deal with." Heather's anklet started 
beeping. "What? I didn't even hit the stupid thing." A member of the security 
team called over the comm, "Heather your shift ended 2 hours ago. What are 
you doing?" She was furious, "I was told that I was allowed to go to Sick Bay 
and my quarters. There were no time limits imposed." He responded, "Yeah well 
take that up with the bosses. They don't like it if you aren't where you're 
supposed to be after your shift ends." 

Sara listened to the security officer over the comm and watched as Heather's 
expression shifted from soft to ticked off. "Excuse me," She said as she 
interrupted Heather's reply. "But the last time I looked, as the chief 
medical officer, I was her boss, and if you really need to know *I* am the 
one who has kept her past her shift to confer with on a medical matter. Now 
if you would kindly allow us to continue I don't see that this little 
intrusion will have to be reported in my daily log."  

The desperate attempt to shut the comm off was evident as his quick reply of, 
"Yes of course ma'am. So sorry to have bothered you." came across the comm. 
Heather grinned at Sara, "Thanks. Quarters can be dull after you've cleaned 
every inch and counted all the squares in the design in the carpet." 

"I bet and it was no problem." Sara smiled at Heather and pointed to the 
thing on her foot. "How did we get from you explaining that to me and my 
issues?" 

Heather couldn't help grinning, "Diversion." she sounded as if she was 
reciting something that had been drilled into her, "When a situation becomes 
undiscussable resort to alternative scenarios. It's easy, I distract you with 
something more important to you, you forget about my issue until the damn 
thing bleeps and draws attention to itself."

Sara just shook her head. "I think I've been suckered." She said with a 
laugh. "Thanks by the way but next time I'll now better." 

She tilted her head, "Actually, the great part is, I learned form the best 
and if I plan it right, you won't." Another grin crossed her face.

Sara laughed again. She was glad she had Heather to talk to but now she knew 
she had to be careful. Something's didn't need to be known by anyone else but 
the three women involved. One of which was going to start asking her where 
she was soon. "I hate to send you back but I don't want to get you in any 
trouble and I need to head home. I promise Cy that I would come by her 
quarters tonight after my shift which apparently ended over two hours ago."

Heather nodded, "Don't worry about it. The worst they can do is throw me in 
the Brig. And hey, at this point I look at it as a new place to get sick of." 
She grinned got up taking her stylus and walked out.

Sara watched as Heather left and smiled a little as she got ready to go, 
thankful to her friend for the brief warm up before going cold again as she 
walked though the halls.

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