<USS Banshee> Bits and Pieces

*I've shaken your faith in me.
No, you've shaken my faith in everything else. 
A decision no one made,
and now your home. 
Faith is a hard thing 
to hold on to. 

*Throwdown, by Stevie Nicks****

Bits and Pieces
By Lt. Sara Crusher

The twin moons that orbit Betazed where nothing more then pale shadows as the 
holographic sun rose in the morning sky. The ocean waves responded to the 
moons’ pull as they slipped onto the sandy beach with less aggression. The 
salty 
ocean air was cold and it caused goose bumps on the exposed skin that Sara’s 
white spaghetti strapped tank top failed to cover. Her heart pounded in rhythm 
with her strides as she ran along the beach with her small yorkshire terrier 
trying hard to keep up with her. She had lost track of how long she’d been 
running, but when she started the program the sun was just peaking over the 
ocean’
s horizon and the ship’s clocks all said 0500 hours. 

Now the sun was nearly at it’s peek and the ship’s clocks no where in 
sight. 
All Sara knew was that for the moment; all she wanted was to run. From the 
first step she took it had become more then her normal morning run, it had 
become an escape, a chance to be alone and think. No Kathryn, no Rhi, no 
Cyanah, no 
nobody; just her and her thoughts and the cauldron of mixed up emotions that 
bubbled beneath her mood and short tempter. 

Rhi’s words kept echoing in her head as she ran. "Why are you mad, Sara? Why 
are you mad at me? Why aren't you mad at the people who ordered me to keep my 
mouth shut?" She was mad at her mother. She felt lied to, violated, and 
betrayed. What had given her mother the right to just rip them not only from 
her 
mind, but her heart as well? "Why aren't you mad at Cyanah?" There again, she 
was 
mad at Cyanah but in there lied the same problem as to the last question, Rhi 
had asked her. "WHY are you mad at ME?!"

The strange thing was she didn’t know why she was so mad at them. It’s not 
like Rhi had set out to sleep with Cyanah just to hurt her, hell she didn’t 
even know about her and Cyanah being together, and it’s not like she didn’t 
know 
that they were attracted to each other, add to that the fact that Rhi’s hands 
really were tied as far as telling her about their past. So why was she mad 
at Rhi? Why was she made at Cyanah? 

Or was it even anger? Was she really that mad at them or was it the fact that 
it seemed as if one of her biggest fears was being played out in front of 
her. 

"I don't know where I stand with you, Rhi!" She had screamed. "Hell I don't 
know where I stand with anyone anymore!"

The conversation, if all the yelling they did could be called a conversation, 
she had had with Rhi in her ready room continued playing and replaying in her 
head as she stretched out the muscles in her legs which were starting to 
cramp. Where did she fit in now that Rhi and Cyanah and her were entwined in 
this 
odd web of relationships? 

Sara fell onto the soft sand. She leaned back on her arms as she dug her 
hands into the warm white sand and looked out over the water. The damp sand 
stuck 
to the seat of her black jogging pants as the waves teasingly came closer and 
closer to her matching running shoes. The sun was high in the sky now and Sara 
couldn’t help but smile as she watched Tramp sunning himself a few feet away 
from her. 

Sara loved this program. It was a perfect recreation of an island beach that 
she simply loved back on her mother’s homeworld. It was also the same place 
she had told Cyanah about being Imzadi. Which is what they still were. Nothing 
had changed that and nothing would. Rhi and Cyanah had spent their time 
together and maybe it wasn‘t over yet, but it was still her bed that Cyanah 
came home 
to every night, even though she hadn’t been making it a very welcoming place 
lately. 

Was she being a hypocrite? After all it was her very own culture who embraced 
the idea of having more then one lover and there had been a time, for about 
0.5 seconds, that she had played with the idea of having Cyanah and Josh, so 
what changed? She had fallen in love and found her Imzadi, that’s what. It 
was 
true what her Grandmother had said, "A young woman will have many loves and 
lovers who she will share her body and perhaps even a part of her heart with, 
but 
she will only have one with whom she will share her mind, soul, and essence 
with, and no lover despite their intentions will never come close to the bonds, 
both emotional and physical, that she will share with her Imzadi." 

Sara’s body seemed to melt into the sand as she closed her eyes. The warm sun 
beat down over her flesh and melted away the goose bumps from before. As she 
relaxed for the first time in over two weeks, Sara allowed her mind to fully 
open. She took down shields and opened pathways that she had been keeping under 
the safety of a telepathic fog. She replayed conversations that she had only 
half heard or completely forgotten about. 

"This is all so new to me," Sara said softly. "And I'm scared." 

"There's nothing to be scared of Sara. You told me how you feel about me, and 
you must realize that I reacted positively. The hard part is over, Sara." 
Cyanah gave Sara’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Being here with you, Cyanah, is the most real thing I've ever felt. There's 
no confusion and no pretending involved."

"Sara... I should tell you this now, so you're not surprised by it later. 
Captain Morrigan, she and I have... something. I'm not sure what, though. But I 
thought you should know."

She looked at Cy. She had to ask. "What does that mean for us?"

"I can't answer that, since I don't even know what she and I have, Sara. 
But... we'll take things as they come. If I have to open my mind to loving both 
of 
you, then I can do that. My feelings for you won't grow any weaker, though. I 
promise, no matter what happens. Is that alright with you?"

She wanted Cyanah in her life as more then her friend and if sharing her was 
how to do that then she would. "I understand, Cyanah... And I'm not going 
anywhere. I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

That had been the start of it all. That had been their first weekend together 
and Sara found it hard to believe that it had been almost a year since that 
first night. A year of quiet a lot. 

"Sara... why would you think you’d lose me? I love you." Cyanah sat next to 
Sara on the bed and wrapped her arm around Sara’s waist, pulling her close.

The answer had of course been Rhi. 

"I’m attracted to both of you, even though I’m far closer to you, Imzadi."

Some of the conversations seemed to have a repeat theme. Which of course 
where Sara’s insecurities. 

"I guess I’d just rather not be doing it alone is all." 

"Why would you have to do it alone? I’m perfectly willing to go along with 
you, if you want me to come." Cyanah could sense that something else was amiss, 
as Sara’s apprehension hadn’t faded once they’d started talking.

"Oh I do want you to come! It’s just that…" Sara looked into her tea cup as 
if she’d find the words floating in the warm liquid. "She wants you to stay 
with her." 

Rhi again...

"Well... I didn’t see that coming. Hmm." Cyanah leaned back into the cushions 
of Sara’s couch and took a long sip of her tea. "I can understand why you 
were feeling apprehensive, at least."

"You do?" 

"Mmmhmm. You’re afraid of losing me to Morrigan, and afraid of facing your 
past in Ireland without me."

Sara just nodded.

"Sara..." Cyanah began, putting her teacup down on the coffee table, "after 
all of these months together that we’ve had, our Imzadi bond, the good times, 
and the tough times, do you think I would throw that all away for something 
unknown?"

"No," she said softly as she turned her head. Sara stared at the ceiling and 
chewed on her bottom lip. "I guess I’m just worried that maybe the unknown 
isn’
t so bad. I mean, look at us, I jumped into the unknown and found something 
wonderful; what if you do the same thing with Morri?"

"Even if I did, there would be no way I’d throw away what you and I have. 
That would be like throwing away a beautiful work of art."

A year of ups and downs, of pleasures and pains, and to Sara to be at where 
she was now, despite everything that was going on, she wouldn’t have changed 
any of it. It all came do to the simple questions and the only answer to all of 
them. 

"How are things with you and Cyanah, dearie?" Kathryn had asked. 

Her reply was a weak, "I’m not sure anymore." 

"Why not? You love her, yes?" 

"I do, very much so." 

Even Rhi herself saw what Sara was some how missing. 

"Take a few hours off. Go spend time with Cyanah. You need her, Sara." 

"I know I do." 

"Then go to her." 

She had tried but her head was still a mess and she ended up at Kathryn’s and 
then later the gym. She hadn’t come back to her quarters until well after 
0100 and by then Cyanah had fallen asleep waiting for her. Then she got up 
early 
and had snuck out before Cyanah could wake up. Sara opened her eyes and looked 
out over the crashing waves as a single tear rolled down her cheek. 

Sara had felt her long before she heard the holodeck doors open. She has 
sensed her waking up and she had felt the disappointment she had over waking up 
alone again in their bed. Sara felt her presence coming closer and becoming 
stronger as she made her way from her quarters to the holodeck. She felt Cyanah 
enter her mind before she entered the holodeck. Her thoughts and emotions had 
touched her before Cyanah had kneeled behind her and before  she felt 
Cyanah’s 
arms wrap around her from behind. 

Neither woman said a word for a long time. They just sat there in the sand, 
Sara between Cyanah’s legs and Cyanah’s arms wrapped tightly around her as 
she 
rested her chin on Sara‘s shoulder, as the waves crashed around them. Finally 
it was Cyanah who broke the stillness of the moment. Her voice soft yet 
strong, "Sara.... Love, we need to talk." Sara nodded and held tighter to 
Cyanah’s 
embrace, "Yes we do."

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