[tri-wings] weekend trip

 

My husband Brian and I are taking a trip to Branson Missouri for about 4
daysstarting this Friday.  Our family is sending us all expenses paid. 
TodayI went shopping for some new clothes with my mother in law.  I felt so
guilty.  Here is was getting new clothes for a trip that everyone expects me
to have a great time on.  How can I?? How can I allow myself to laugh, to
eatin fine restaurants and go to fun shows when I just lost my baby a few
days ago?  I know this is suppose to be good for me.  I hear you and all who
tell me, it is OK to smile.  It is ok to have fun.  Be kind to yourself etc. 
True I need to be able to do some of this.  My heart is so cold from the
pain.  I want to smile again, but I am afraid to.  I want to eat, but I feel
guilty because my baby never could.  I want to let go, but this is all I
haveleft.  My memories are there, but they are just that. Memories.  I visit
his grave everyday.  I still sing to him.  I smell his blanket.  God please
tell him I love him.  Give him a kiss from his mommy.    ---
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