[tri-wings] Re: stress - Susan

>>>>>>>>>>>BTW, the PTSD type stuff for me happened leading up to Ryan's
first birthday 
and anniversary - I was obsessed with the time of day, and kept reliving 
everything that happened in my head  as if it was a movie, the days before 
his birth, the delivery room, his being sent to the NICU, the days before we

got the diagnosis...hour by hour.... a movie that I couldn't turn off in my 
mind....  I share that because living with my grief has become so much 
easier now, and the love and memories are such a part of me and the grief 
and sorrow has become a more mellow, tho still present, part of me...
It does get better... and I am glad that you have coworkers and your MIL to 
share with.  Take very good care Susan.<<<<<<<<<<


loosing Ryan 2 days before his first birthday must have been hard as we set
so much on these milestones, its such an odd thing this grief, I will have
days on end that I am fine, and then a day or days that I am so sad, missing
her, feeling guilty that I didn't realize how sick she was ( I  tell myself
that it was her time and that a higher being made it so I would not know,
got to think that, I am a nurse and part of me says I should have known) she
was not acting any different than any other time she was sick, it was always
look like deaths door while she got better, no fever when I checked her
before I went to bed...................that old hind site bug............I
still have not picked up the otopsy reports, early on I kept calling the
coroner, now  I just cant bring myself to do it, I know from the prelim her
heart was really in bad shape, and my mom's dr said that pnoumococcial
pnumonial is really a fast killer, but still I put off calling to get the
results. As much as we love these kids and in many ways are better people
for the experience and would not wish that we had been delt a different hand
it is still a hard row to hoe and none of us will ever be the same, but I
like to think we are better people for it.  I know my son has more
compassion for people who are "different" then I did at his age, guess we
got to look for the bright side from behind this pain.   I am Glad Sandra
that you say the pain mellows as I am just not there yet and it sucks

Susan mom to Rebecca t18m 06/06/91 - 05/02/06 and Mark age 14/2 ADD/LD


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
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