[tri-wings] Re: small vent-Holly

Hi,
 
Please don't ever worry about stepping on toes re: Analee.  She was  your 
niece long before I ever knew her. 
So often I wished for some connection with Analee's bio family but when I  
attempted to ask for permission it was quickly denied.  The first Christmas  
that Analee was with us she received some gifts (not delivered until Feb)  from 
extended family members.  I was so glad for her that others were  thinking 
about her since bio family didn't.  I asked if she could send  thankyou notes 
and 
was told 'no'.  There were no tags attached so we never  did find out where 
they came from. 
It wasn't until her funeral that we were told that none of the family,  
including Analee's sisters knew that she had been adopted and wasn't living at  
home. It made sense then since Maddie asked at both of their visits if they  
could "just take her home now".  Those poor kids never knew that I was  
specifically told that Analee was 'no longer welcome' in their home.
  I think that her parents were pretty unaware of just how much Analee  knew, 
and they figure that by making her disappear it might make it easier for  the 
other girls. I suppose they weren't interested in hearing what others had to  
say about their decision to place Analee. I know that we were not the first  
family involved and that she spent time with another family before plans fell  
through on that adoption. 
At times I get really angry at the way they treated her and yet so much of  
me is so thankful for their inability to cope.  I also have to remind  myself 
often that I am in no position to judge anyone. I chose to have children  who 
have significant disabilities. Others of you didn't have a choice.   Analee 
went from a home where she was seen to be a burden, to a home where she  was so 
loved and adored. How could I fault them for choosing to offer her  something 
that might be better?
I still can't believe how she had everyone wrapped around her crooked  little 
fingers.  She would lay on the floor at every diaper change and  start 
pointing to where she wanted me to itch. Then she would just grin when  she's 
get me 
to scratch her skinny little butt cheeks.  Her skin was so dry  and flaky in 
the beginning that her whole body was an itchy little mess. 
Anyway, I do feel as if she were robbed of the chance to continue a  
relationship with her family. I feel very deceived about her middle name and  
it's 
significance and so wish that they could have been honest and given us the  
opportunity to decide if it was important enough to keep. Sadly, they didn't  
really want her last name listed on the gravemarker. I told them that all of 
our  
kids would have their original last names included because we felt strongly 
that  they area part of more than one family.
I know that she stayed alive long enough to see her sisters that one last  
time. Our visit on the day before she died was so confusing for me. I kept them 
 
updated on her health concerns all along, and yet when I asked how the other  
girls were doing with knowing that she was so sick, they said that they 
hadn't  told them.  I was so sad for them to have been blindsided by the 
condition  
that Analee was in.  She had no ability to move anything but her eyes and  
needed suctioning to keep her airway clear. Her left eye would only open about  
half way. They were used to the babbling, grinning, singing and non-stop  
movement. I don't think either one of the girls smiled all day.  They took  
turns 
pushing her stroller and holding her hands but they clearly knew something  
bad was happening. He actually said that he thought she looked 'pretty  good'.  
Only 15hrs later she was gone. Maddie was told not to tell Georgie  so she had 
to keep the "secret" until the day of her funeral.  I'm not sure  which one I 
felt more sorry for.
Geez,  your 'small vent' turned into my major vent.  I guess I do  have quite 
a bit of old stuff to sort through.  Holly, I know that the  girls are 
hanging around here at times. I hear Tony over the baby monitor  giggling and 
'talking' away.  I know too that Analee visits Maddie in her  dreams. I have no 
doubt that she also spends time watching over Morgan.  I  don't think it's too 
late to tell her what you need to, or you could ask Morgan  to tell her since 
I'm 
sure that he sees her just as Tony does.  I ask Tony  to tell his sisters 
things for me all the time. He just grins like he know  exactly what I mean.  
Nancy

mom to angels Sky (11/23/92--8/26/06)
and Analee  (7/22/96--7/4/06 T-18) and
Tony 10, Ian 5, India 3 and Logan 3 at  home.

(and soon to add Paul 5)  

Nancy







**************Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial 
challenges?  Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and 
calculators.      (http://www.walletpop.com/?NCID=emlcntuswall00000001)


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: