[tri-wings] perspective, please

i have a dilemma and i wondered if anyone would be kind enough to tell me if 
any of it makes sense to anyone.  
i have mentioned before that my f-i-l ray is terminally ill with cancer.  at 
this stage, he can't feed himself, wears depends and is lucid about half of his 
waking hours ( which are few).  he has said several times that he wants to die 
because he is in pain and has had enough.   here is the problem-  my nephew is 
getting married on saturday.  my sister in law , mother of the groom, wants to 
have her father there.  my father in law has said he is only going because 
wendy (s-i-l) wants him to.  the rest of us do not agree at all, in fact we 
will probably not attend the weddding if she insists on bringing him from the 
palliative care unit to a party.  he has been a strong, dignified man his  
whole life and said before he would be shamed if he were seen at this stage.

does anyone have any idea at all how to deal with a person like my sister in 
law? suggestions?  comments?  

i just can't believe someone could be so selfish.  when my sister in law 
darlene told my father in law that it was ok to go, we all wanted him to go if 
he wanted, he said that tyler had already been to see him was with him often 
and  waiting to take him to god( i cried over that one, but it sounds lovely to 
me.)  wendy said to her father (i swear i did not make this up) " just don't 
die before the wedding".

this all looks even more awful to see it in print. some days i just wonder when 
enough is enough.  holy cow.  i know all of you understand that feeling very 
well. i am not sure what i expect any of you can say to help, but i know there 
is a lot of collective wisdom out there and i just wanted to tap into it i 
guess.

pam, mum to t 13 angel tyler amd kira
elora ontario
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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