[tri-wings] Re: my grief Long

Not too long at all. I'm glad you are able to get some of your ideas and 
feelings out, and that you are becoming more able to acknowledge your loss.
  --Sonya
Jill Husted <Jill.Husted@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
  Sorry this is long. I have been having issues lately and I think they need 
to come out. I think I need to find a support group to help me. My 
denial/depression of me losing my son is starting to affect my relationship 
with my husband. 

Daniels T-13 was undetected until he was born, we knew that he had a heart 
defect, but that it was treatable. Some days I thank God that we did not 
know that he had T-13. Because we did not know about his T-13 my pregnancy 
was wonderful. I could enjoy every moment of it. My son Daniel has been gone 
for almost 2 1/2 yrs. Some days it is still hard. It comes in waves. Some 
days when I have time to really think it is the hardest. Daniels funeral was 
very hard, I had my moments where I just broke down. But for the most part I 
was so removed from the whole thing. That first year is such a blur for me. 
I would read so many heart breaking stories of other parents losing their 
babies to either T-13 or T-18. I wanted to find a connection to someone who 
went through the same things I did, because my friends and family just did 
not get it. I wanted to find some place where I belonged. There are times 
that I think I am still looking for that, a good friend who understands me. 
Some days I feel so lonely for friends that understand me. That first year 
there was a lot of living minute by minute. My husband from the very 
beginning could tell Daniels story to anyone, I think he enjoyed seeing the 
look on peoples faces when they found out we lost a child. He wanted them to 
feel the same pain he was feeling. I have just recently been able to tell 
strangers that we have 3 children, 2 on earth and 1 in heaven. I do not want 
anyone to forget that I have 3 children. I know that my son was here for a 
reason I know that God hand picked him to be born to me (we were going to 
start trying to get pregnant the following month but thought that it would 
take a while. We got pregnant with Daniel that month, had sex one time that 
month during ovulation.) Daniel birth has brought me closer to my parents. 
Without Daniel I would not be the person I am today, and my son Douglas 
would not have been born. 

Again sorry so long. Trying to work out issues.

Jill mommy to Van IV (07/01/01), Daniel (09/11/03-10/08/03), and Douglas 
(11/11/04)

Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
www.trisomyonline.org
Families Helping Families On-line


                
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                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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