[tri-wings] Re: my crazy household

Hi,
 
I was feeling a need to dump and couldn't think of a more captive  audience.
My Tony turned 10 today. I worked hard to make sure it was a fun day for  him 
but couldn't help but be sad about this milestone that Analee didn't reach.  
She died less than two weeks before her 10th birthday. 
We have always talked about the girls very openly and say goodnight to them  
each night at tuck-in time, but lately it seems more important than ever. Ian  
continues to make a slow decline and I want so much for him to understand 
that  we will always love him, even after he's gone. 
Over the past week or so the left side of his face has begun to weaken. I  
thought that it was barely noticeable but I finally asked if anyone else could  
see a difference and all of those I asked had noticed.  So much of this is  
identical to what happened as Analee got closer to the end.
At the time she really started to slide downhill, we got word that we had  
been chosen to adopt India. We opted to move forward with the adoption knowing  
that we'd never know when we'd be free of the risk of losing any of our kids.  
Now that Ian has made another shift downward, we've received word that  we've 
been chosen to adopt another child. We again will proceed with the  adoption.
We are thrilled and very eager to bring him home but I must admit my  
emotions are up and down each time a different thought pops into my head.  Each 
time 
we add another child to the family I tell myself that this will be the  last. 
I think that this time I'll skip saying that.
I think that I'm struggling too with Ian and our decision to sign him up  
with Make-A-Wish. We had signed Analee up and approx. I week after she died 
they  
called to say that her 'wish" would be granted. Ian will be here long enough 
to  see his "wish" and hopefully take some comfort in it. Pieces have begun to 
 arrive for his "sensory room".  He'll have lots of switch activated lights,  
music, bubble tubes, black light carpeting, etc...  I'm very appreciative  of 
the enormous amount of work and effort that is being done for him and yet I  
also wish like crazy that he was healthy and didn't qualify. It all feels 
really  unfair that he worked so hard to rebuild himself after suffering 
horrific 
abuse  by his bio father. Now all the progress he made is being slowly 
stripped away as  he's returning to the helpless little boy he started out as. 
There 
is one big  difference. He is very aware that he's losing ground and gets very 
angry and sad  at his loss of skills. He's being stripped of his muscle 
strength and his  balance, as well as his ability to recall word/signs. His 
'quality of life' is  incredibly diminished. 
I'm nearly at the point that we were at with Analee when we prayed  for, 'a 
little more time, but not too much'.
Somehow I think that this is one place where people can understand a  request 
like that.   
Nancy

mom to angels Sky (11/23/92--8/26/06)
and Analee  (7/22/96--7/4/06 T-18) and
Tony 10, Ian 5, India 3 and Logan 3 at  home.
(and soon to add Paul 5)




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