[tri-wings] Re: just need to share(pam)

I know how you feel. I work delivering books for a system library. The ladies 
at the libraries that I deliver to are so understanding and nice. Well, last 
Friday I went into one of the libraries and one of the ladies that I don't 
know very good, asked if my baby was growing like a weed. At first, I thought 
she 
was talking about my son. When I realized what she said, I think she realized 
that Gabby had passed. It was so uncomfortable. The whole room got silent. 
Then, on my Friday's route. there is this little old lady who is about 96 or 
97. 
She can't seem to understand that Gabby is gone. She always ask if the baby 
is okay and if my baby-sitter is working out okay. We all have told her many 
times that Gabby is gone. She just doesn't get it. or she is confused. It still 
hurts, and I still cry after I retell her the baby is gone. Here lately I've 
been ignoring her questions, I just change the subject and not tell her again 
on every Friday that my baby is dead. I wish those words would not make my 
heart stop for a moment. It's sooo hard right now. My husband and I aren't 
getting 
alone at all. We had this huge fight last night. I mean a bad one. I just 
feel so lonely. I want my life back. I want my husband to be nice to me and not 
so cold. He is always cold and hateful to me. We've been together for five 
years. What is wrong with him? Gabby was his first child and I have a nine year 
old son. I feel lost. I think I feel depressed too. I just feel like no one is 
there for me. No one brings up Gabby's name any more. And it's only been three 
months. I need some support. I want this pain to ease and my husband to be 
nice and understanding again. I love him so much but I can't take no support 
from 
him. I try so hard to be there for him, but when it's me that is upset, he's 
leaving or in the bedroom. I don't know any more. 

Ambre: Mother to Gage( 9) & Gabriella T-13 full:10/6/04-12/1/04


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