[tri-wings] just need to share

today i had a rotten experience.  i have a picture (digital) of tyler with my 
father in law that i wanted to have printed.  my f-i-l is very ill with cancer 
and is soon moving into palliative care.  i feel that he will be going to see 
tyler soon, so it really feels important to me to give this picture to ray.  i 
went to the supermarket and started to try and print my stuff.  a guy beside me 
was doing the same at the next machine.  he was just being nice and said oh, 
new baby?  i freaked.  i started crying and said no, he died.  then i fled the 
store crying .  so much for getting groceries or a picture today.  i left to 
get my husband who was getting bloodwork done.  i went into the lab wailing.  
this made many people uncomfortable.  a lady heard me telling darrell what had 
happened.  she came over, gave me a kleenex and asked if i was ok.  she told me 
her brother had lost a child and hugged me.  strange day.  finding someone who 
took the time to help me was truly wonderful, but crap, when does it end?  i 
want to be me again, to feel joy, be able to focus, think and feel.  live in 
the moment.  i miss all of these things, but not as much as i miss my little 
guy.
thanks for listening.
pam, mum to t 13 angel tyler
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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