[tri-wings] insensitive relatives

Hi. I have never written to anyone regarding my angel Hannah Elizabeth, 
before today. I carried her a full nine months before losing her on March 18, 
2001. I walked into the hospital carrying my child and walked out 
empty-handed. That is the most horrible feeling I can think of. I cannot 
describe my pain that I felt through the loss of my child. Since Hannah has 
been gone I have worked hard to move forward in my life and have tried hard 
to focus on my blessings, a wonderful husband and precious stepchild who I 
raise, and also my very supportive family. My parents and my sister have made 
my transistion easier. However, I noticed an e-mail from my mother-in-law 
(Naomi) recently to others on the tri-wings family. It pointed out our 
insensitivity and our inability to comfort her. Let me just say that anyone 
who has lost a child and tried to re-group knows that at a time when you are 
trying so hard not to feel sorry for yourself you cannot possibly delve into 
anyone else's self-pity. While I acknowledge that everyone in our family has 
experienced a great loss I also can acknowledge that no pain runs deeper than 
that of my own, Hannah's mother. She was such a beautiful and special baby - 
I will always remember how soft her skin was, and how angelic her face, and 
how wonderful it felt to hold my baby in my arms - if only for a short while. 
My husband and I tried to include the entire family in Hannah's birth and 
death and allowed all of the grandparents, aunts, etc. to hold her during the 
short time we we allowed with her. I am not to the point that I can comfort 
others very well and I consider myself lucky to of had the comforting that I 
have recieved from other family members. When someone loses a child you 
cannot expect them to comfort others. It is hard enough to get up everyday 
and go on with my life knowing I am a mother, but I cannot be with my 
daughter. My life will forever have a missing piece until I reach Heaven. 
However, I still have many blessings and I work to push out any self-pity 
that I may feel. I have sought grief counseling. I am trying to rebuild my 
life. Please, for all of the grandparents and other family members of those 
that have lost a baby - you will never understand the mother's loss but you 
can grieve, and you should. Just dont expect a mother who has lost her child 
to comfort you. That would only be selfish and when I have to try hard not to 
be selfish myself, I would hope that you could do the same. No one wanted a 
child more than I. I was prepared to devote my entire life to Hannah and to 
have her taken from me so early in the game was the worst nightmare I could 
have possibly imagined. Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy 
e-mail. I only hope it reaches some one else who understands how I feel. For 
all of you that replied to Naomi with advice (ie-"you have a right to be 
angry, etc..."), it pays to hear both sides....


Melissa, mother to angel Hannah Elizabeth - full T18 (March 18, 2001) 


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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