[tri-wings] Re: info about the show

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "G&S"
> i.e. someone else posted recently about being interviewed re: living =
> with a
> disabled child and another woman was interviewed re: terminating a =
> disabled
> child, guess who got the greater sob story in the article? The woman
> terminating.

I see that the type of story that Fox News are doing is VERY important and I 
applaud all who have taken part.
There will always be some criticism when people choose to do any sort of 
media. I get criticised a lot for using Alex as an example, people see it as 
me exploiting him. I look at it totally differently - I see it as getting 
the word trisomy out there so that will ask more and think about it. Whose 
right? Well I think I am obviously or I wouldn't do it :-))

Whats important is that this type of program explains that people have a 
choice. There is no right or wrong choice provided that its a choice made in 
love with all the facts. And if nothing else this show will give all the 
viewers the opportunity to see all sides.

But regardless of what choice we make there will always be some who will not 
agree with it. If we choose to continue our pregnancies some will feel that 
any pain we suffer is pain we brought on ourselves. Some will feel that if a 
person chooses to terminate then their pain is their problem. And the same 
if our children live longer - we had a choice, to terminate, to place them 
in care -  and if we suffer for the choices we made they will believe that 
its our problem. But thats everyone's right to feel, believe what they want.

We make our choices and we have to live with the consequences of those 
choices. But the truth is that no one suffers the same loss, the same way 
and with the same pain. We each hurt, and that hurt is the most painful we 
will ever experience for we have lost a child.

No one should ask who suffers the greatest loss? Because there is no answer 
to that question. When trisomy touches our lives its a tragedy regardless of 
the choice we make, whether our child dies before they are born or whether 
we get to hold our children for a minute or 50 years. Its all relative.

I have lost a child to miscarriage when I was 12 weeks pregnant some time 
ago now. A woman at our church lost a child about the same time, but she was 
16 weeks pregnant. Another mum in our group bemoaned this others woman loss 
and I reminded her that I too had lost a child. Her answer? Well she was 16 
weeks and really wanted the child. I was so hurt and dumbfounded. I wanted 
to scream "And I didn't?"

That loss to me was as great as the other womans.

The loss of a child at any stage, even if its the loss of the ability to 
have a child hurts like all heck. How many breaths a child takes really 
doesn't matter. Its all relative.

I feel as strongly for the family who loses a child because they make the 
decision to terminate the pregnancy, as I do for the family who loses a 
child before birth or after. In the order of our society no parent should 
ever have to bury a child, but sadly many of us do.

The list really isn't the place to discuss the pro's and con's of which 
decision parents make - I simply want to point out that all decisions hurt 
and that hurt is just as great as the next persons to them because it is 
their pain. Think of the comparisons that people make.

Does having a child and watching them die make the pain greater than that of 
the family who will never get to hold their child? - No

Does having the opportunity to love and hold your child for minutes or years 
make the loss greater or less than for the parent who never gets to feel 
that warm bundle cradled in their arms? - No

Does the loss of a child who had every chance at a typical life mean more 
pain than the loss of a child who only took pleasure in the basic joys of 
life? - No

They are all losses, all different, all painful, and all cause just as much 
pain to the person experiencing them as the next person. The loss has 
different aspects, but they are still losses. Some are sharp and sudden, 
others are lingering and constant. I will hurt no more the day Alex dies 
than the mum who who lost her child at birth. My pain will have different 
perspectives because I will miss his smile, his touch. But so does the mum 
who lost her child at or before birth. I have memories though - does that 
make it more painful? Or less? Neither because its my pain and I am the one 
feeling it. To me its the greatest the pain and thats all that matters to 
me.

Rambles - but I hope I make sort of sense.......

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
                                            -- Josh Billings

Keep Looking For Rainbows!!
   _--_|\
 /Karen \
 \ _.--._ /
          v Karen, Mum to Alex (12 years, T-18 Mosaic)
http://members.optushome.com.au/karens

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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