[tri-wings] Re: Why I left

(((((Stacey)))))  One thing you have not done is messed
Up your life.....Handling Leslies' death on your own
Must have been incredibly daunting, and you have done
Very well.   It is difficult to know what advice to give
As I have not met you, but....make a list of the things
You want, then a list of the good things about Thom,
And then a list of the good things about your ex.
Sometimes writing things down makes it easier to
Assess where we are.  It also helps to take the emotion
Out of our decisions/.  What I have always said is
That I would rather be lonely alone, than with someone.
That must be the worst kind of lonliness.

I do believe that I do not want to be with anyone
Who does not want to be with me as much...we do=20
Each other a dis-service.  I am special enough=20
To have someone in my life who thinks I am very
Special, and that's how it should be for everyone...
Well, that's my theory anyway!!

Lots of love

Kathy s from South Africa
Mom to Rebecca Dawn T18 ^i^ 19 May 2003

-----Original Message-----
From: Stacey Folkner [mailto:babyeeyore4@xxxxxxxxxxx]=20
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2003 7:53 PM
To: tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx; tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [tri-wings] Why I left


Thanks to everyone who sent thoughts my way after my post on movng out.=20
there are so many reasons for that decision. First, Thom has decided that=
=20he=20
isn't sure if he wants children. this is a big problem for me. I have wan=
ted=20
children since I was young. After losing Leslie, that feeling became so m=
uch=20
stronger. He knew when he married me that it was important, but now after=
=204=20
years of marriage he has changed his mind. Also, he has spent more time w=
ith=20
the computer and his guitars than with me. He has never been abusive or=20
anything like that. I just wish he would act like I exist. Since I moved =
out=20
(took a break) 3 weeks ago, he has called me one time and the only reason=
=20he=20
called was to see if I had the vacuum cleaner. I sat down and told him th=
at=20
I really wanted to date him again to see if things would get better. Yet =
he=20
doesn't call. He says he misses me but does't show it.
I started talking to my ex husband by accident. He came by my friends hou=
se=20
to look at her car. I told him about placing the stone at the cemetary an=
d=20
about the website I created for her. I had kept all that from him, thinki=
ng=20
he didn't deserve to know. We went to the cemetary together and started=20
talking. We both agree that Leslie dying was the major reason for us=20
splitting up. We both handled our grief separately instead of together. H=
e=20
really wants to try again and the pastfew weeks with him have been=20
wonderful. We talk and laugh and share memories...but at the same time, I=
=20
feel like I owe it to Thom to try again with him. It is all so confusing.=
=20I=20
told Shelly (my roommate) that it would be nice if a neon sign would drop=
=20
out of the sky and point me in the right direction. I feel like I have=20
totally messed up my life and I hate this feeling. I'm just not sure what=
=20to=20
do next.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Stacey, Mom to Leslie Serina T-9 ^i^ 11-20-96
confused and scared...

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