[tri-wings] Re: Why I left

Dear Stacey,
first Thank You for being so open and honest about your private life. I don't 
know why we loose our children, but everything else I still feel like it 
happens for a reason. First I want to let you know that what I am about to 
write is only my gutt feeling and my personal opinion. There's nobody but You 
and your heart who can lead you in a way that is right for You. Believe what a 
person is showing and telling you, meaning Thom is not mature enough to be in a 
serious relationship with you. You are so much more advanced in life. You will 
always be connected to your 'ex', because of what you two have went through and 
believe me his side isn't any easier than yours. I met people that have went 
through what we went through and still going through and one thing all of them 
said is, I am soo glad that we have stayed together! Because no one else could 
feel what we feel. Then I have a friend that has a Trisomy child and her 
husband now ex is awesome, he get's up every night to see after their child for 
almost five years. Who changes his childs diapers etc, etc..., but she gets her 
attention on the PC, to an extend ridiculous  I really do not want to get in 
detail, because it is not on me to spread other peoples business. The reason 
why I mention it is, because she is not grateful for what she has, but looking 
for the imagination not possible to have. Which first of all is our children 
back or healthy or run away from our pain that we are feeling. You can run but 
You can't hide. Reading your story makes it so obvious for the third person 
that your relationship with Thom is only going to cause you more pain, but your 
relationship with your ex, even if you guys will never get married again, is an 
important part of your life and always will be just like Serina. I know you are 
wondering. Maybe You know already. My husband is suppose to be the transmitter 
of our childs Trisomy, and it was very hard to deal with. but I also know that 
my husband is a very good husband and if he had any influence on our child's 
outcome at all he would have given his life for it. I love him for who he is, 
not perfect, and a lot of times the butterflies in my stomach when I am with 
him are gone, but we know each other to an extend know else could. I call it a 
mature love, not as mature as it can possibly get we still have our troubles 
and tribulations, but when I said "I do" I meant it and I know he meant it too. 
Yes I'd still trade my life for my precious child, but I am here right now and 
(even though I don't have the energy to keep my  house straight :-) I will 
still fight for our relationship and marriage. Only when we die we will find 
out, what our battles were worth ( at least that's what I believe) Hang in 
there and follow Your heart!!
Love
Carmen and Family
----- Original Message -----
From: Stacey Folkner
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2003 12:54 PM
To: tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx; tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [tri-wings] Why I left
  
Thanks to everyone who sent thoughts my way after my post on movng out.  
there are so many reasons for that decision. First, Thom has decided that he  
isn't sure if he wants children. this is a big problem for me. I have wanted  
children since I was young. After losing Leslie, that feeling became so much  
stronger. He knew when he married me that it was important, but now after 4  
years of marriage he has changed his mind. Also, he has spent more time with  
the computer and his guitars than with me. He has never been abusive or  
anything like that. I just wish he would act like I exist. Since I moved out  
(took a break) 3 weeks ago, he has called me one time and the only reason he  
called was to see if I had the vacuum cleaner. I sat down and told him that  
I really wanted to date him again to see if things would get better. Yet he  
doesn't call. He says he misses me but does't show it.
I started talking to my ex husband by accident. He came by my friends house  
to look at her car. I told him about placing the stone at the cemetary and  
about the website I created for her. I had kept all that from him, thinking  
he didn't deserve to know. We went to the cemetary together and started  
talking. We both agree that Leslie dying was the major reason for us  
splitting up. We both handled our grief separately instead of together. He  
really wants to try again and the pastfew weeks with him have been  
wonderful. We talk and laugh and share memories...but at the same time, I  
feel like I owe it to Thom to try again with him. It is all so confusing. I  
told Shelly (my roommate) that it would be nice if a neon sign would drop  
out of the sky and point me in the right direction. I feel like I have  
totally messed up my life and I hate this feeling. I'm just not sure what to  
do next.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Stacey, Mom to Leslie Serina T-9 ^i^ 11-20-96
confused and scared...
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                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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