[tri-wings] Re: Thearpy

Robyn, Joyce, Mandy, Atousa, Kerstin, Kim, Rhonda, and Sue,

Thank you all for responded to the question.  I enjoyed reading and getting
to know each of your precious angels more.  It made me smile as I read about
all the good things your little ones have done.  I know I recently told you
about the line I really like from the movie, Lord of the Rings, "Even the
smallest person can change the course of the future." I thought how so true
that is with our precious children.  Reading your answers also reminded me
of the movie with Jimmy Stewart called, "It's a Wonderful Life."  Kerstin
and Mandy I am not sure if you have ever seen or heard of the movie, but it
is a classic here in the US.  It comes out around Christmas time every year,
and it seems almost ever channel has it on at least once.  I always liked
the movie, but it has taken on a whole new meaning for me now since Jordan.
An angel shows a man, Jimmy Stewart, what other's lives would have been
without him.  He is at a very low time in his life when he gets to see what
a difference he has made in the lives of those around him.  He realizes just
how much good he has done, and without him things are just not as good.  As
I read your answers it made me think of this movie and how much lives have
changed and been changed for the better by our babies.  I am sure they have
done even more then we personally know, kind of like the ripple effect.
Thank you all so much for sharing!!!

((Kim)) sorry to hear about your mom and grams.  I am glad they are feeling
better now.

(((Kerstin))) you know when I first had Jillian, I was so happy, but also
sad at times.  She put such joy back into our home, but I would sit and hold
her and be smiling one minute and then notice tears were running down my
cheeks.  I knew I was missing what I did not get to have with Jordan, and
with Jillian being my last child, I was also grieving that fact I would
never have any more.  I had belonged to a subsequent group, and no one ever
talked about anything but how wonderful it was to have this new precious
being.  I think people did not want to scare everyone and tell them that
after having a subsequent child the world is not all OK now.  In some ways a
new baby magnifies the grief because you see what you missed in the child
that died.  Also if a person has put grief on the back burner, a new baby
can bring all those emotions to the front because you are now confronted
with what you longed for with the baby that died.  You want both, the new
baby, who has brought joy back into your life, but you want the child that
died so they too can physically be a part of the family.  You want to be
able to sing, hold, kiss, hug, and laugh at their cute expression as well.
You want to watch them grow up every step of the way.

I remember too when Jillian was first born, I went back to that stage where
I feared something could happen to any of my other children.  Right after
Jordan died, I was very protective of my other two children.  I did not like
for them to go anywhere without me.  I thought they may die and I wanted to
be the one with them.  I wanted to spend quality and quantity time with my
kids.  I also thought others would not protect or look after them as I
would.  The reins with time loosened, but after Jillian was born, I noticed
they came back to some extent.  Again with time they loosened.  Like you, at
times hearing about those around you having children dying from various
causes, especially the contagious ones, makes me start pulling the reins in
a little tighter.

I carried Jillian with me every where for the first 9 months of her life.
If my husband, our other kids, or my mom(they were the only others allowed
to hold Jillian) held her very long, I felt restless and had to have her
back in my arms.  That came from the fact that I wished I had more time with
Jordan.  I wanted to spend every moment I could with Jillian.  Of course no
time is long enough, but I was determined to get as much as I could.  I told
my husband that I felt I had to hold Jillian twice as much because I was
trying to make up for what I did not get with Jordan, and to hold Jillian
for Jillian.  After about 9 months I loosened up.  She now runs all over the
place and loves the attention everyone gives her.  Now I am lucky to get her
to sit with me long enough to hold her.  So I am super happy I had all that
time when she was a baby.

You are right that sometimes it does hurt to stir things up before they can
get bettter.  It is all part of the grieving and healing process.  I am glad
you are seeing a therapist.  If you ever need someone to talk to, please
feel free to e-mail me personally.  I am a strong advocate of talking and
getting things off your chest because it really does help.  So talk away to
your thearapist and then if you need more come to me, I am not a therapist
but a friend.


Take care, Jan(Proud mother of Jordan), Jonathan-9 years old, Jasmine-5
years old, and Jillian born 11-29-00(Proud siblings of Jordan), and
John(Proud daddy of Jordan)

"A person is a person, no matter how small."
Dr. Seuss

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future."
Lord of the Rings

Our love is not measured by the time we had, but by what will be felt in our
hearts forever.
http://pages.prodigy.net/janjohn83/jordan.htm
Jordan's Page - Born/Died July 5, 1999



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