[tri-wings] Re: Ryan family update....Off Topic delete at will

Hi Mandy,

I have been lurking her off and on as you probably know.  Our son Cameron is
like your Matt.  The good news for us is Cameron had his older sister
Rebecca train us.  With that aside what meds is Matt taking or is he not
taking any at all?  Rebecca is almost 18.  She's in a wheelchair all the
time.  When she gets going like Matt....the only thing to stop her is
Ativan.  I have it in a pill, liquid, or I'm able to inject her with a
needle.  We go through that order of sedation.  We have a behavioral
psychologist that we work with and she comes to our home once a month with a
social worker.  When she's raging that's the only way to keep ALL of us
SAFE.  It has gotten ugly here.  When she's raging and I have to hold her
down to stop her from slamming her face or biting herself ( flesh and all
:(   ) it's AWFUL.  She has metal blinds in her room and she has cut herself
with them before..... NOT GOOD.  She's able to reach them only when she's on
her bed.  Now they are destroyed .  Thank GOD I have the above support.  Bec
is 56 inches tall and weighs 110 #'s.  She's small but  when in a
rage...fierce!!!  Those chemicals of fight/flight kick in and kike your Matt
can over power the best of us.  I was taught how to safely hold Rebecca and
it works in a rage.  I've even used it on our Cameron who is HUGE for a 10
yr old  he gets a great work out and weighs 200#'s.  We farm so Cameron has
alot of muscle...and some fat.

Remember just before I gave birth to our Margaret Mary ( she was born 51
weeks after we lost our Magdalena) that Bec was put in a Psyc hospital?
THAT wasn't appropriate for all of her sp needs but can you do that for Matt
before he completes what he thinks is best?

I know how hard it is....I know what it's like to love them with all of your
soul and then this!!!!  Don't laugh but how's your prayer life and Mass
going?  Now's the time to cling to it all....When you don't have the energy
is when your kicked the hardest.  Been there too!

I have always prayed for your family and you.  You've had it very hard and
need it.  You have also seen the vast rewards of GOOD too.  Thank God for
that!!

God bless,
Dawn Brenner mother to Magdalena 2-13-02/ 3-9-02 and mom to Rebecca 18 in
March, m/c Michael Joesph, Brittany 13, Cameron 10 Maximilian 5, Maggie,
Margaret Mary almost 3, and our next one due in July/Aug06!!!

----- Original Message -----
From: Mandy <baby2angels2000@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: tri-wings <tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Saturday, January 28, 2006 12:26 PM
Subject: [tri-wings] Ryan family update....Off Topic delete at will


> Matt is still undergoing psychotherapy and we have now just about reached
the end of our rope with him. Having buried two of my children already, the
last thing I ever want to do is bury another but it's been that bad recently
and now knowing that his wishes are to be "out of here"and nothing else will
do, I have actually found myself praying that God would end his misery! I'm
completely ashamed to admit it but maybe this will give those of you who
know me ,some idea of how hellish it really is round here and why I'm AWOL
at times.He has given us a list of funeral arrangements which are very well
thought out and precise.Nothing major needs to happen anymore to trigger off
his outbursts and things like being asked to dry the dishes after dinner
result in suicide threats and kitchen knives mysteriously disappearing from
their home and finding themselves a new one in his room.Both Baz and I are
convinced that he has BPD but neither doctor or therapist like "labels"
!"!!!!!!!!!!!
>   Neither do I but I fail to see how we can get anywhere with a constant
refusal to admit to anything.So for now we continue to bang our heads
against brick walls and watch him slowly destroy himself and those around
him.Up until a few months ago he imploded and was all self harm, self hate,
self destruction but he has now begun to explode and whilst the two eldest
may well be able to fight him off, I know Charlotte and Alfie wouldn't stand
a chance :-(
> Matt is only very thin and small(he was IUGR and never caught up) but
whilst waiting for an ambulance following one of his outbursts it took my 30
year old well built brother all of his might to restrain him.Its like once
the chemicals kick in ,he has no control and truly doesn't know his own
strength.
> Charlotte is now convinced that once she is old enough she will be leaving
the UK and currently wants a new life in Australia.....based on the fact
that there are no houses on the moon yet and Aus is about as far away as she
can get.I know she is only 12 but she speaks with the mind of an adult and
has even looked into what she needs to do with regards to visas etc.
> Steve (ex) keeps himself at a safe distance and then suddenly appears and
upsets the proverbial apple cart ,leaving us to deal with the fallout.I have
decided that since his closet door opened,I've been shut in one and in the
past few weeks have decided that his shame isn't mine so a few interested
magazines/newspapers are currently in the process of writing articles.(just
hoping he doesn't read one whilst having his leg waxing done tee hee
hee).One or two of our MPs have recently been outed and of course this has
sparked media interest.As well as being here, I also help to administrate an
online support group for straight spouses and so our little group of shadow
dwellers has been put under the spotlight a little in helping to tell the
public "how it feels".
>
> Barry's two are now at opposite ends to each other on the scale of
accepting step mum.Lucy is wonderful and is Alfie's nurse and full time
playmate.Ed however still hasn't accepted me and resents the fact that he
has to live here.We have talked to him and told him that the choices he has
made for himself recently have meant he will have to stay here so he can't
hate it too much.....I think he feels he is betraying his mum if he accepts
me and I can understand that but hey try telling that to a 17 year old :-))
>
> On the upside, Alfie is absolutely wonderful and keeps me going.He is now
21 months and I can't believe where the time has gone.He is a constant
reminder of how rainbows have pots of gold attached :**)
> Hmmmmmm can't think of anything else to add but I'm sure there must be
loads.I have been reading (if not responding)Wings ....(mass delete on the
other side but shhhhhh nobody's listening) and do think about you all and
will try and be here more often than each time we have a blue snow !
>
> hugs
> to all
> Mandy,wife to Baz, mum to Matthew(13),Charlotte (12) , Gareth (t18 ^i^
14/11/99)and Dominic (CH ^i^ 23/7/00) and my little pot of gold at the end
of a very long rainbow,Alfie( 21 months),
> step mum to Katie(^i^) Ed (17)and Lucy(16 )England,UK
> www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000
>
> Time is.....
> Too slow for those who wait,Too swift for those who fear,Too long for
those who grieve,Too short for those who rejoice.But for those who love,Time
is eternity.(Henry Van Dyke)
>
>                   Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
>                        www.trisomyonline.org
>                   Families Helping Families On-line
>
>
>
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>

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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