[tri-wings] Re: Richards Birthday

(((((((((((Susan)))))))))))  and ((((((((((Mary)))))))))
I understand where both of you are coming from  - not the exact same  
place, but in similar mucky lake bottoms.

Dec. 20th was my f-i-l's birthday.  Jan. 3rd was my dad's birthday.   
And my dad passed away after a really tough battle with alzheimer's  
on  Dec. 26, 1999.  Christmas has not been quite the same since.  And  
if I don't feel like putting up decorations, I don't.  If the kids  
aren't coming home, they don't go up.  When my dad passed away, it  
was such a relief.  A relief for him, but also for my siblings and my  
mom and me.  I didn't cry.  I couldn't.  I was so glad that he  
finally wasn't suffering.  Then Hope died in 2001.  Then, it all hit  
me.  My dad was almost 84, but Hope didn't get to spend even a few  
minutes out of the womb.  My expectations for her had been so great,  
even though I knew the odds.  And then, I started thinking about my  
dad, too, and how close we had been until his disease took over.     
What a mess I was in.

> Even trying to send out Christmas cards has me in
> tears, as I have one less name to write..........

Even though I don't have one less name to write on a card, I had  
always done a letter - not a "look what we have done" one, but a  
"these are the things that are important to us" letter.   I hadn't  
written one from 1998 until about 2003.  And I only wrote one then  
because we were moving into our new home, and I wanted to make sure  
that everyone knew our address.  I was so excited.  Now, this year,  
it started all over again.  After losing Mom in April, and being  
really close to her, I had no ambition to write a letter.  So cards  
are hard, but I'm learning that just because something is hard  
doesn't mean that I shouldn't do it.  This year a paragraph.  Maybe  
next year I'll write more.

The "funk" is still there, and I don't like it.  But I can't snap my  
fingers and have it go away.  It is just plain tough.  The holes in  
our lives take lots of time to slowly close in.  And when everything  
seems to come at once, like with Nancy, I just can't imagine it.  You  
are very strong.  All of you.  It just takes time.

Hugs,
Sheila Helleson
Minnesota Grandma to:
Hope (T-18 ^i^ 11-1-1) & Alison; Cadence and Bridge
Mom to Cheryl (& Denny);  Wade (& Charity)
Wife to Richard for 35 years

"Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow."   
Swedish Proverb

Laughter and tears are the healing medicines of God.








                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: