[tri-wings] Re: Religion/ Something to think about......

----- Original Message -----
From: "Ann Ekis" <aekis@xxxxxxxxx>

> > Sheila, I'd say that was an excellent answer and maybe the only reason
no
> > else says it is because they feel awkward too.We live in a world where
> > mentioning pregnancy loss or the death of a child is considered taboo. I
> > think that once we do open up and tell of our angels then we become more
> and
> > more aware of others who have been blessed with angels too

Wow, I took off for the weekend and have been trying to figure out where to
jump in ever since on this one. So many truths have been stated that we
could write a book.  This one particularly caught my eye, and I'm not sure
if Ann was the one that stated it or quoted it, so my apologies.

I'm not so sure that it's pregnancy loss or the death of a child that is the
awkward thing , as it is just death in general.  It is very common for
complete strangers to ask how many children or grandchildren you have, so
for most of us that puts us in an awkward situation, where if you've lost
your mother or a sibling for example, it usually doesn't come up in casual
conversation with a stranger.  I think it would be equally embarrassing for
someone if they accidentally found out that you had just lost your mother or
spouse or anyone close it just isn't as likely to come up with a stranger.

People are horrified when they find out that you have lost a child, and you
do feel bad for them, but it is so aggravating when they make the comments -
you know - "well at least you had warning", or "so she didn't suffer".  I
really try to ignore the ignorance when these things are said, I'm sure that
I have said some along the way also - but that is one thing that my little
angel has taught me - to think before I speak in situations such as those.
Until you live it, you really don't know.

When asked how many children I have I usually say 4, but many times it is
asked in regards to whether Rylee has any brothers and sisters, and that's
when I usually just say a 16 year old sister (which usually gives me the
sympathy there LOL) and a 12 year old brother "at home".  I always feel
funny not mentioning Jessica directly,  but since Jessica is older than
Rylee I guess I feel awkward(does that make sense to anybody).  Jake always
includes Jessica as his sister - makes me so proud.  My parents are kind of
funny - they lost my brother when he was three days old.  When they are
asked how many kids they have they do not include him - I think it was
because of the time - you weren't allowed to talk about it like we do but,
I'm sure out of respect for me, they do include Jessica as a grandchild - I
just think it's strange.  My MIL always includes Jessica also.


> My most uncomfortable times have come when someone remembers that I had a
> baby and asks about Michelle not knowing that she died almost a year ago.

This only happened once to Mike.  At work a guy asked him how his baby was
doing about 7 months after - he was telling the group that Mike was with
that they were expecting a baby and non chalantly asked how ours was.  Mikes
response was "she's dead"  I guess it killed the party!

lotsofluv
Deanna ~~~~
Mom to Nicole 16, Jake 12, Jessica (our beautiful T18 angel) 5/04/02 and
Rylee 11 months!!
Wife to Mike
Meet Jessica @ http://home.att.net/~warpehoski


I live in my own little world.  But it's ok - They know me here.



                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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