[tri-wings] (Re: It`s two month today) and FIGHT ABOUT X-MAS STOCKING

On Nov 27, 2005, at 1:01 AM, Nadine Walther <bienschen23@xxxxxxxx>  
wrote:
>  he told me " How you want to explain this to our  kids later , if  
> we have some. You gonna fill a stocking for somebody  who is not  
> here and then the other kids want what is in the stocking  and they  
> can`t have it" I told him I just want to have one for her  hanging  
> up for to remember her, not filling the stocking. I think since   
> she is a member of this family , she should have one too. He got  
> really  angry and said. " You are acting like she is still alive!"

((((((((((((((Nadine)))))))))))
I know you are still hurting and this is to be expected.  It is so  
soon after you lost her.  Everyone is right when they say that guys  
grieve differently than we do.  My husband never mentions Hope, but  
if I say something, he always listens.  He is the grandpa who told  
his brothers the day after we found out about the Trisomy in June,  
that Cheryl's baby had died.  I was so mad at him because that  
definitely was not true.  She lived in utero until after her due date.

But Cheryl and Denny have a stocking for her and ornaments on the  
tree for her - at least one new one every year.  And I do, too.  The  
other grandchildren all know there was a baby Hope.  And they know  
how old she would have been.  She would be about 7 months younger  
than my son's daughter.  We are all telling the younger ones about  
her.  We want them to know that they had another cousin and that  
Alison had a sister.  There are things all around Cheryl and Denny's  
home that remind them of Hope.  And when Ali stops in front of the  
angel standing on the floor, Cheryl tells her that was her sister  
Hope's angel.  She reaches down and gives the angel a kiss.  It is  
beautiful.  Last year my son and daughter-in-law gave them a memorial  
to Dana's organization as a Christmas present.  They were thrilled,  
but they also cried.

I'm not sure if they put anything in the stocking or not.  I don't.   
But I don't know if they do.  I have stockings for everyone.  And  
there is always just something small in each of the kids' stocking.   
But I don't usually put anything in the adults' stockings.  We do  
have Santa gifts under the tree (that always come from my sister who  
has no children), but they never fit in the stockings.

Everyone has their own traditions.  Now is the time for you to  
explain what you would like to do.  And hopefully, you can get your  
hubby to let you do what you want - or compromise on something else -  
maybe the ornaments.
Take care,

Sheila
MN Grandma to Hope (T-18 Nov1,01) & Alison, Cadence & Bridge
Mom to Cheryl (& Denny) and Wade (& Charity)
Wife to hubby, Richard
Those who wish to sing always find a song.  Swedish Proverb





                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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