[tri-wings] Re: Platitudes

OH MY GOSH!!!  I will always amaze me how people do not think before they
speak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Family or not....NEVER
EVER should such hurtful words be said.  Maybe they should put themselves in
your/our shoes!  I do believe that a lot of it is denial...if they do not
face the pain of loosing this child than they will not hurt as badly!  Just
my thought.  This is how our families are still dealing with Cody today.  No
one has gotten close to him, got to truly know him.  We have dear friends
that know Cody much better than Paul's family or my family.  So sad for all
of them because they are missing out on a blessing that is right under their
noses.  My brother lost a baby,  Clayton was 1 year and 1 week old.  No one
talks about Clayton, it's like he was never here with us.  (There is a long
story behind this, my brother and his life but that is for a different time)
He is now divorced and his wife and I are the best of friends.  She comes
for weekends and even watches Cody for us.  And we talk about Clayton all
the time.
So sorry that you all have had these horrible words thrown at you...words
are hard to forget and hard to heal.
Hugs to all you are all very special families...and I do believe that we are
one big family here on this list.  THANK YOU!!!!!
Hugs,
Tracy mom to Cody (Trisomy 9)


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "sharon gorvett" <sharog@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 4:05 AM
Subject: [tri-wings] Platitudes


> I've been reading all the hurtful and insensitive things people have said
regarding our children. I feel so angry and frustrated that you have had to
listen to such -rap and I am so sorry.
> It's strange that this subject has come up as I've been having a hard time
lately because I've had contact recently with some of my husbands family.
They said some wickedly cruel things around the time I was having Sophie and
after her death. So cruel that I have not wanted to have any contact with
them since (over three years).
> My father in law has been ill and so the phone calls have stared coming
agian. We had a call from my brother in law to say that their father is ill
and doesn't have much longer to live. We went to see my FIL and he was
sitting in the kitchen, having a cuppa, chatting to us, having been out
driving in the car earlier that day!!!!  This is the BIL who said that we
should not have 'shown' Sophie to our boys (like she was some sort of
monster or something). He also said that it wasn't that bad to loose her
because her death was expected. All this from the 'brother' who never even
came to see Sophie. I feel sorry for him because he missed out on seeing an
angel.
> My FIL also said that we should have terminated my pregnancy (I respect
every decision but I resented him telling me that in the midst of my
struggle) and the first thing he said to me when I saw him the day after
Sophie died was "well, you knew it had to come". I couldn't believe I had
heard right but my sister assured me that I did as she heard what he said
too.
> I am very sorry if my father in law is ill as I wouldn't want anyone to
suffer and I feel for my husband too but that is as far as it goes. I cannot
forgive these people for the way they have acted and the things they have
said. I want nothing more to do with them.
> Sorry this went on longer than I wanted. Having this contact with them has
made me think about every cruel thing that was said. Thanks for listening.
> Love Sharon x
>                   Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
>                        www.trisomyonline.org
>                   Families Helping Families On-line
>


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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