[tri-wings] Re: Platitudes

> On Nov 25, 2007, at 9:10 PM, Ruth Hadley wrote:
>
>  Another one I hate is what my SIL told me at Jill's funeral:  
> "She's better off dead."  And another one from my MIL, "She had  
> Trisomy 13.  Deal with it.  It's better this way."  And from my own  
> mother, "So you'll miss her, but you'll get over it."  OMG!!!!



(((((((((((Ruth))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with those kinds of feeling,  
especially from people you love.  Cheryl's FIL was talking to me at  
Hope's funeral.  He also said that he thought it was better that she  
was gone because he knew that Cheryl and Denny would put everything  
they had, both money and energy, into dealing with this child who  
would probably not live very long anyway.  I said, "Yes, they would.   
That is why they were chosen to get her."  and walked away.  I  
couldn't believe my ears.  He couldn't even use her name or say their  
little girl.  Just "this child".

And Cheryl's godparents didn't even send a card, let alone come to  
the funeral.  They didn't feel that C & D could have become attached  
to the baby since she had never lived.  They didn't think Cheryl and  
Denny should even have a funeral for her.  There were more people at  
Hope's funeral than there were at Cheryl and Denny's wedding when it  
was mostly relatives.  Those who showed up for Hope's funeral were  
truly friends.

There are just no words to use to answer someone who thinks like  
that.  I can understand, although I'm not happy with, people who say  
dumb things thinking they are saying something to make you feel  
better.  But when someone just doesn't get it . . .   :***(  I can't  
take that.


Hugs,
Sheila Helleson
Minnesota Grandma to:  Hope (T-18 ^i^ 11-1-1) & Alison; Cadence and  
Bridge
Mom to Cheryl (& Denny);  Wade (& Charity)
Wife to Richard for 35 years

"Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow."   
Swedish Proverb

Laughter and tears are the healing medicines of God.







                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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