[tri-wings] Re: New therapy question

Let's see,

1.  My cousin informed me at Zachary's funeral that our other cousin was
pregnant, and didn't that cheer me up on such a sad day?  Oh yeah!

2.  When we went to pick out Zachary's stone, the woman who greeted us asked
us who the stone was for.  We told her our infant son.  Her reply:  bummer.

3.  The pet thing sends me into a tailspin.  Let's not even go there.

4.  Well at least you didn't get too attached.  After all it was only four
days.

If I think of any more, I'll pass them on.  Incidentally, there were a group
of us at a meeting at the hospital that thought about putting together a
book of these statements.  That would be something.

Joyce, mom to Zachary 11/15/00-11/20/00, Matthew 04/24/02 (1 already!) wife
to Alan

-----Original Message-----
From: tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf Of Mandy
Sent: Sunday, July 27, 2003 8:48 AM
To: tri-wings
Subject: [tri-wings] New therapy question


We must have all experienced someone saying something really dumb following
our loss(es) so I thought maybe we could try something along the lines of
What is the dumbest thing you heard? how did it make you feel then and what
was your response  and would it be different now (i.e months/years later).
I know there are similar questions floating around but this one is a product
of our lying in bed Sunday morning "chat".(ok enough detail LOL)Baz was
telling me that not long after Katie gained her wings, they donated all of
her little toys to the doctors surgery and one day he went and was sitting
there when some stupid guy pulled his daughter away from the toys and told
her " those are dead children's toys ...don't play with them". Baz was still
very much in the early stages of his grief,and rather than knocking the guy
from one week to the next,  he shrank into his seat and said nothing but
died inwardly.He said this morning that if it had happened now (16 years
down the line)he would have dealt with it very differently.I asked if he
meant he would resort to violence and he said no but he would have to say
something and not just shrink away.

The dumbest thing anyone said to me (or at least in earshot) was that my
boys had been taken because of Steve being gay.When I heard it I chose to
say nothing because I knew I would cry and that wasn't a good idea.Hearing
it now and I think I would probably ask them why my other two children were
allowed to live then (same dad).!!!

Not sure if this going to help or hurt or both but feel free to share or to
keep quiet......no pressure at all
hugs

Mandy, mum to Matthew(10),Charlotte (9) and my two angels Gareth (t18 ^i^
14/11/99)and Dominic (CH ^i^ 23/7/00) ,England,UK

http://www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000

Some stop chasing rainbows,for they think they aren't real,
But they aren't something you can touch,they're something you must feel..."




                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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