[tri-wings] Re: My story

Hi Maria::
 
I am so sorry for your lost!  You have came to the right place.  I feel here 
as if I were in a big family.  People underestand our pain and support one to 
each other the best we can.
 
I have you and your husband in my prayers and thoughts.  
 
God bless you and your husband and help you understand the blessing 
behind everything that arrived to our lives!!
 












Esmirna
 "Dios proveerá"
"El creo y sigue creando"




--- El sáb 21-jun-08, Maria Scudder <mariascudder@xxxxxxxxxxx> escribió:

De:: Maria Scudder <mariascudder@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Asunto: [tri-wings] My story
A: Tri-Wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fecha: sábado, 21 junio, 2008, 4:40 am

Hi
I am not sure where or how I post a message, mine is for the loss of our baby
at 17 weeks. I wanted to be able to speak with people that have been through
the same thing as it is a time that you can feel quite alone. Myself and my
husband (I'm 28) were married in October last year and I was diagnosed with
endometriosis two years ago. We always knew that once we were married we wanted
to try for a baby. I had resigned myself to the fact to be patient and that it
could take us longer than most people but I feel at the end of February this
year after trying since October of last year, so we was over the moon. 
We went for our first scan and it took the sonographer about 10 minutes to wake
baby up (obv. now I know why), it was then she told us that we was not as far
gone as I thought but I came away just thinking how could that be the case, as
we was so sure of the date of conception. Regardless of feeling confused, we
had seen the heartbeat and we instantly fell in love with our baby.  We was
then booked in for another scan when I was just over 13 weeks (which we now
know would have been 15 weeks) and as soon as baby came up on the monitor, I
don't know if it was mother instinct but I just knew that things were not
right with baby. It was laying head down and I just had this overwhelming sense
that all was not well. It was then she told us that there was a very high amount
of nuchal fluid behind baby's neck and that we were to go to a hospital in
London as soon as poss. That was on Weds 4 June and we went to the hospital
that following Monday. It wasn't until
 then I realised how many other people must go through similar things, and you
don't feel so alone.  Our world came crashing down when we knew all was
not well after that 2nd scan. 
I had a CVS procedure which I would have to wait for the results but they
could tell me so much from the scans . Baby had lots of extra fluid around it
and under the skin, it's abdomen had not formed properly and only contained
the bowel,  baby also had a hole in the heart. They told me I would definitely
miscarry at some point as so many things wrong. I don't know where I got
the strength from over this time period but I think you can either choose to
lose yourself in despair or be as strong as you can be in the circumstances and
this has been our first hughe thing to face as husband and wife and we have
really supported each other.
I kept chasing the hospital for the results and was promised I would have them
by Monday 16th June. In the end I managed to get through to a midwife at the
London hospital and they gave me the bombshell that they had in fact LOST my
sample.I had been as strong as I could be (with our dark days) but this is when
i really lost it, I was distraught. I had to travel back up to London that
evening to have another CVS done because myself and my husband wanted to know
what was wrong with baby. When we arrived, one of the heart specialist's
that had looked at baby's heart  the following Mon recognised us and said
that the 'heart specialist' was in the building and he would like her
to look at baby's heart.  It was then that we were told that our baby had
died (15 weeks gestation but as we now realise 17 weeks). I still wanted to
have the CVS done but for whatever reason (my placenta was high anterior), they
had to do an amnio instead. They promised me I would
 have the results by Friday 20 June. I had to have a D&C procedure on
Thursday 19 June, a date that will always stay with me. It was the most
scariest experience I've had to go through and to know that baby was no
longer with us, a very sad day and a very sad few weeks it has been for us. 
I received the call yesterday afternoon from the London hospital and they
confirmed that our baby had Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome). We will never
forget our angel baby, we was so looking forward to baby's arrival.  This
has been such a journey for myself and my husband, one of which we will never
forget. I bought a rememberence rose called 'rest in peace' which we
will plant in our garden to always remember our baby that couldn't stay
with us in this life but will continue in the next. 
I wanted to share my story as it is a time when you feel very alone. None of my
friends have ever gone through anything like this and it would be great to be
able to talk to people that have gone through similar experiences.
Maria (28 years old)

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