[tri-wings] My story

Hi
I am not sure where or how I post a message, mine is for the loss of our baby 
at 17 weeks. I wanted to be able to speak with people that have been through 
the same thing as it is a time that you can feel quite alone. Myself and my 
husband (I'm 28) were married in October last year and I was diagnosed with 
endometriosis two years ago. We always knew that once we were married we wanted 
to try for a baby. I had resigned myself to the fact to be patient and that it 
could take us longer than most people but I feel at the end of February this 
year after trying since October of last year, so we was over the moon. 
We went for our first scan and it took the sonographer about 10 minutes to wake 
baby up (obv. now I know why), it was then she told us that we was not as far 
gone as I thought but I came away just thinking how could that be the case, as 
we was so sure of the date of conception. Regardless of feeling confused, we 
had seen the heartbeat and we instantly fell in love with our baby.  We was 
then booked in for another scan when I was just over 13 weeks (which we now 
know would have been 15 weeks) and as soon as baby came up on the monitor, I 
don't know if it was mother instinct but I just knew that things were not right 
with baby. It was laying head down and I just had this overwhelming sense that 
all was not well. It was then she told us that there was a very high amount of 
nuchal fluid behind baby's neck and that we were to go to a hospital in London 
as soon as poss. That was on Weds 4 June and we went to the hospital that 
following Monday. It wasn't until
 then I realised how many other people must go through similar things, and you 
don't feel so alone.  Our world came crashing down when we knew all was not 
well after that 2nd scan. 
I had a CVS procedure which I would have to wait for the results but they 
could tell me so much from the scans . Baby had lots of extra fluid around it 
and under the skin, it's abdomen had not formed properly and only contained the 
bowel,  baby also had a hole in the heart. They told me I would definitely 
miscarry at some point as so many things wrong. I don't know where I got the 
strength from over this time period but I think you can either choose to lose 
yourself in despair or be as strong as you can be in the circumstances and this 
has been our first hughe thing to face as husband and wife and we have really 
supported each other.
I kept chasing the hospital for the results and was promised I would have them 
by Monday 16th June. In the end I managed to get through to a midwife at the 
London hospital and they gave me the bombshell that they had in fact LOST my 
sample.I had been as strong as I could be (with our dark days) but this is when 
i really lost it, I was distraught. I had to travel back up to London that 
evening to have another CVS done because myself and my husband wanted to know 
what was wrong with baby. When we arrived, one of the heart specialist's that 
had looked at baby's heart  the following Mon recognised us and said that the 
'heart specialist' was in the building and he would like her to look at baby's 
heart.  It was then that we were told that our baby had died (15 weeks 
gestation but as we now realise 17 weeks). I still wanted to have the CVS done 
but for whatever reason (my placenta was high anterior), they had to do an 
amnio instead. They promised me I would
 have the results by Friday 20 June. I had to have a D&C procedure on Thursday 
19 June, a date that will always stay with me. It was the most scariest 
experience I've had to go through and to know that baby was no longer with us, 
a very sad day and a very sad few weeks it has been for us. 
I received the call yesterday afternoon from the London hospital and they 
confirmed that our baby had Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome). We will never 
forget our angel baby, we was so looking forward to baby's arrival.  This has 
been such a journey for myself and my husband, one of which we will never 
forget. I bought a rememberence rose called 'rest in peace' which we will plant 
in our garden to always remember our baby that couldn't stay with us in this 
life but will continue in the next. 
I wanted to share my story as it is a time when you feel very alone. None of my 
friends have ever gone through anything like this and it would be great to be 
able to talk to people that have gone through similar experiences.
Maria (28 years old)

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