[tri-wings] Re: Mrs Mandy Ryan :)

Ok, Ill be the first.  I admit, Im more of a lurker than anything.  I dont 
post much, but I do read all the time.  This is my second Christmas without my 
angel Haley.  She was born on Sept 10, 02.  Her due date was Jan 26, 03.  I 
think that last year I was still in shock.  This year it is so much more "REAL" 
if you know what I mean.  Last year, she shouldnt have even been born yet, this 
year, shed be almost 1.  I am having a very hard time lately dealing with 
this.  Somedays I feel the way I did the day I lost her.  I have a few special 
moments with my angel.  My first was the night before I was scheduled to be 
induced (which I deeply regret now), I hadnt felt her move yet and I was so sad 
about that...then, while laying in bed, its like she could tell my 
feelings...and I felt one little kick!  I always wonder what she was trying to 
tell me.  Of 
course my other moment was just holding her, looking at her...to others she 
was a baby who was "incompatible with life".  To me she was my girl, my first 
child who will never be forgotten, she was perfect to me.  We didnt know of her 
Trisomy until after her tests after she was born, we had only known of 
Anencephaly, a fatal neural tube defect.  I have so many regrets...and so much 
grief 
still bottled up inside...sometimes I feel like I am dealing with it 
incredibly well, and then other times, I just fall apart..I feel like I want to 
run 
away, that if my baby girl isnt here, I dont want to be either.  Well, Im 
getting a little off the topic....thanks for listening...
Corinne
Mother to Haley Marie T18, September 10, 2002
And my earth angel and reason for living, 
Nathan Michael, Sept 26, 2003


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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