Kay, I do not think that grieving is self pity, either. Everyone needs to
grieve, but to think only of your losses and not of your blessings and to
zone in on what has happened and expect every one to think of you is
self-pity. When I lost Hannah for a while I was very angry and felt that no
one could possibly understand how I felt. I was mad at everyone. Then I had
to get it together and think about the blessings I have recieved, not only of
my losses. While I continue thie grief process and not a day passes that I
dont think of Hannah I have tried to concentrate on the good in my life. My
husband and I have not been mad at Naomi re: Hannah. For her to ask DONT I
COUNT? at a time like this is selfish. Of course she counts as her
grandmother but it is possible to comfort yourself by remebering Hannah (For
instance, I visit her gravesite and am comforted by her spirit - which Naomi
has never been).
Also I was not competing with anyone by saying that it was my worst
nightmare and I walked out emptyhanded. I know as parents it was horrific for
all of us. I was simply reaching for some common ground that would appeal to
the other parents that would read my e-mail. I was trying to express the
depth of my pain so that you all would understand why it is hard for me to
comfort others. In speaking with the rest of the family (both mine and my
husband's) I have found that Naomi is the only one feeling left out and that
is a shame. Im sorry for that.
Melissa, mother to Hannah Elizabeth
Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
www.trisomyonline.org
Families Helping Families On-line