Mandy, I know it wasn't really my fault but it was so hard to accept the fact that they didn't know why it happened and that it wasn't something we did. I blamed my smoking, you see until I found out I was pregnant I smoked and I blamed it, I blamed it for all of my problems. I started back up when we lost Christian it was a support crutch for me and now that I feel I am doing better I want to quit for me and for my future baby. I think it was the main reason behind all of my problems. =20 I do want to say that I think talking to you guys is helping me.=20 Thanks to you all this is nice.=20 -----Original Message----- From: tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Mandy Sent: Monday, February 27, 2006 1:42 PM To: tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx Subject: [tri-wings] Re: Hi I just joined Marianne wrote >>> How do you guys keep from thinking it was your fault. That is how I > felt the first couple of months after it happened.<< (((((((((((((((((((((MARIANNE)))))))))))))))))))))))) I blamed myself, my (ex)husband,the dog, the garbage man, the computer, the=20 whole damn world but nothing and no one is to blame, least of all you.I=20 hated and still hate being told "it's one of those things" and I do believe=20 that we are chosen to be parents of angels for reasons out of our=20 comprehension.We may never know.Thinking its your fault does nothing except=20 hurt you and you have been dealt more than enough hurt without adding to it. >> It was hard because > my husband kept pushing me away. << Men deal with things differently to us girls.My ex was a complete asshole=20 anyhow so his rejecting me and pushing me away was possibly not all to do=20 with his grief but from what i've seen here and from talking to husband 2=20 then it seems that men do it differently !!!!!! take care and be gentle with yourself and with hubby.I'm sure he is trying=20 in his own way. hugs Mandy,wife to Baz, mum to Matthew(13),Charlotte (12) , Gareth (t18 ^i^=20 14/11/99)and Dominic (CH ^i^ 23/7/00) and my little pot of gold at the end=20 of a very long rainbow,Alfie( 22 months), step mum to Katie(^i^) Ed (17)and Lucy(16 )England,UK www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000 Time is..... Too slow for those who wait,Too swift for those who fear,Too long for those=20 who grieve,Too short for those who rejoice.But for those who love,Time is=20 eternity.(Henry Van Dyke) =20 Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows www.trisomyonline.org Families Helping Families On-line Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows www.trisomyonline.org Families Helping Families On-line