[tri-wings] Hello Kathleen Hards

Hi (((Kathleen))) and (((Pamela))),

Welcome to the list. I'm very sorry to hear about little Bethany Kate and
Hunter Brice. All of us here have experienced the news that our little ones
had the trisomy cloud. Most of us have had our dreams crushed and have lost
the ability to kiss and cuddle these special little children. Many of us, as
you, never even got the opportunity to cuddle. One thing for sure, you can
share your pain, your fears and memories with us with no feelings of guilt.
We are co-travelers in the journey and are here because we care. 

I'm not a mother, just a grandfather. But my heart was double ripped when I
watched my daughter suffer her loss. It was a brutal hurt. We were thousands
of miles away when Paula found out that Annalis wasn't going to be
"perfect." She was standing in a parking lot alone when she called us. We
told her not to worry, it didn't matter. No matter what the problem was,
Annalis was "perfect" in our eyes. Shortly after that (we were back in
town), she called us and said that she was bleeding profusely. My wife broke
every speed limit rushing her to the hospital. The placenta had torn away
and Annalis was born. She only lived a very short time. Paula never really
got over that and died just a little over a year ago. She was 38. That was
also a very short time. 

I too find myself scared that I will forget what few memories of have of
both Annalis and Paula. Often as I read the letters from special people like
you, my eyes tear up and I wish that I could tell them that it was going to
be ok. Sometimes it just isn't ok. It isn't fair. Life is but a vapor.
Friends and family don't understand and it seems that they don't care. Most
of the time they do care, they just don't know what to do to make the hurt
go away for you. 

When Paula found out that Annalis was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, I
researched it and ultimately found this list. I wrote about my pain and
wrote about things that I couldn't share with even my closest family. I made
the funeral arrangements from a trade show booth thousands of miles away.
This middle aged white businessman cried his heart out in a little black
Pentecostal church in Nashville. My hardest experience was in Dillards where
we picked out her little pink funeral dress. I had to sit down on the floor
and cry while my wife and the sales clerk worked out the details. I wrote to
this list and cried when I wrote. The people on the list offered love and
prayers. I kept the emails in a special folder. Now I'm busy with life. But
I have stayed on this list because it is very real to me. 

The list will provide you a venue where you can share the pain and emotions
that you have to suppress during the day. Go ahead and write what is in your
heart. It will post to the list. Then people will share their concern for
you and their prayers. Make a folder in your email box and save them. It has
helped me. As you heal, you will be able to recognize others in pain because
of what you went through. You will be able to encourage them. Bad things
happen to everyone. Sheila Helleson has a great signature line: "Shared joy
is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow."--Swedish Proverb. Share
both with us. Yes, the dawn will come. 

Paul Farmer
Dad to 2 daughters I can still hug and Paula who is in heaven.
Papa to 5 grandchildren I can still hug and two that their mama hugs. 


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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