[tri-wings] Re: Hello

On Aug 23, 2006, at 12:02 PM, Susan mom to Rebecca wrote:

> also I think those that have a still birth or neonatal death in  
> some ways have it harder because they often don't get the support  
> of friends and family as for some its hard to understand the loss  
> when the infant was not real to them (i.e. they did not know the  
> person as they were not yet born. Does that make sense??)

Susan, you are so right.  None of Dick's family came to the funeral  
for Hope.  Not one of his brothers or anyone from his family.  All of  
my family within 300 miles was there, but none of his.  They all felt  
that this was not really a baby - since it hadn't lived.  And they  
couldn't understand why she didn't go back to work before the  
Thanksgiving rush just to give herself something to take her mind off  
of Hope.  But they didn't even call her Hope.  They called her "it".   
One of Dick's brothers lived in Alabama at the time and sent a  
beautiful bouquet of flowers and called several times.  But that is  
Cheryl's special uncle.  None of the cousins or other aunts and  
uncles contacted her either.  All of this was very hard for Cheryl to  
understand and for me to take.  I felt like calling them up and  
shaking them to pieces saying, "What is the matter with you?  Cheryl  
just lost her child.  Don't you have any feelings?"

We can't control how other people think or act for that matter.  And  
sometimes it is so hard to just understand where they are coming from.

((((((Amy))))))
Take care.  Time is the only answer for all of us and it is the one  
word we don't want to hear.



Sheila Helleson
MN Grandma to IA and SD grandkids:  Hope (T-18   11-1-1) & Alison;  
Cadence & Bridge
Mom to Cheryl (& Denny);  Wade (& Charity)
Wife to Richard

"Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow."   
Swedish Proverb






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