[tri-wings] Re: Hello

Kathleen, 
   I just joined the Tri-wings this week and am apart of the Tri-Med and 
Tri-Family.  
  
   My sweet Hunter passed in utero around June 24, 2009 and was delivered June 
27.  He made it to 34 weeks.  We discovered he was Full T18 at 28 weeks.  After 
being told at 12 weeks that we were having a healthy baby girl, who was going 
to be named Marissa Raqulle.
  I just have one other child.   A very happy outgoing 3 year old.  The moment 
we got the life changing news we stopped discussing Marissa Raqulle around 
him.  As far as he knows is that I had a tummy ache and still do because of my 
C-Section recovery.  He is too little to understand that his little brother got 
his wings.  However, one day when he is old enough he will know all about 
Hunter Brice.

  Everyone grieves so differently.  Your sweet baby Bethany will never be 
forgotten by you or your husband.  I started seeing a family 
therapist shortly after I got the news of Hunter's Trisomy 18.  He tells me- 
grieve can come in waves.  Yes you have to keep a strong face for your 
daughters, but you have to ride the waves.  If you fight against the waves they 
will beat you under them. Your girls need their mommy so do not let the waves 
take you under them.

  I had been fighting this past week with how often should I got to his grave 
to be a good mommy to him.  I go once a week by myself to cry and talk to him.  
My therapist put it wonderfully-  Hunter is always with you.  You honor his 
memory every time I take care of his brother, his daddy and yourself.  I also 
pray to him several times a day.  I tell him that I love him, how wanted he 
was, and I would have moved mountains to have kept him with us. Also I ask him 
to please watch over daddy and his brother, as I will take care of them here.

  I cry through out the day quietly when I am praying.   My son, Brandon, sees 
some tears just not the total losing it meltdown.  I journal to Hunter most 
evening when I have put my son to bed.  During this time I completely let it 
all out.  After I am done I go in to kiss Brandon and whisper that I love him.  
This helps me sleep at night. I go to bed thinking of my baby boy with a light 
tears sometimes however I am much more at peace then if I had not let it out.

  Did you do some pictures of her at the hospital?  Do you have pictures of 
yourself carrying her? Your hands are way fuller than mine.  You could do a 
scrape book of your few pictures and of the cards that your received from 
friends and family.

  I hope that this help a little.  In my heart I do not think that you will 
forget your precious girl. She will always be in your heart and be apart of 
your family.  It's very hard I know since she is not in your arms to kiss. She 
will not be forgotten by you.

Take care,
Pamela

----- Original Message -----
From: Kathleen Hards <kathleen.hards@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Saturday, July 25, 2009 22:28
Subject: [tri-wings] Hello
To: Tri-Wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

> Hello:
> I just joined Tri-Wings.  I had found so much hope and comfort 
> in the other Tri-Med email list, that I thought I would write 
> and see what kind of support I could find here.  
> 
> My Bethany Kate died in utero April 21, 2009 and was delivered 
> April 23rd.  She had full T-18 and passed away at 35 weeks.  
> 
> I am writing because I am struggling and looking for comfort.  
> I think I have been subconsciously suppressing my pain and 
> emotions, and have not found the time to adequately grieve.  I 
> have three daughters to take care of, and with all the 
> activities of summer and what not, I have kept myself busy - for 
> better or for worse.  But it finally began to dawn on me last 
> night, when I found myself lying awake for HOURS, reliving all 
> the moments of my pregnancy and delivery with Bethany.  I find 
> myself scared that I will forget what few memories I have of 
> her.  Some days, it feels like this whole journey never happened 
> at all.  
> 
> Surely there are parents out there who have courageous walked 
> this path before me.  I am looking for some peace and someone to 
> share.
> Kathleen
>                   Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
>                        www.trisomyonline.org
>                   Families Helping Families On-line
> 

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: