[tri-wings] Re: Getting on with life..what does it mean?

That was really nice and how true. People are uncomfortable with the unknown
and once we've been there we don't have to fear it anymore. We just have to
come to our own terms of dealing with the loss and integrate it into the
rest of our lives.
Thanks for sharing,
Love,LouAnn
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mandy" <baby2angels2000@xxxxxxxxx>
To: <tri-wings@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, September 26, 2002 2:29 PM
Subject: [tri-wings] Getting on with life..what does it mean?


>
> Thought I'd share this with you all...
>
> >>"Getting On With Life"-What Does It Mean?Of all the statements and
spiritual platitudes quoted at me since my son, Daniel's death, the phrase
that I hear most frequently makes me squirm the most.  "You have to get on
with your life."  Recently, I quit squirming long enough to ponder the
meaning behind this phrase that is usually saidto the bereaved in the form
of a command.  Exactly what does this phrase mean?  What are people implying
when they say it?I was pregnant when Daniel died and three months later, I
gave birth to a baby girl.  Wasn't that getting on with life?  I nurtured my
three children, took them to school, the park and birthday parties.  Now
wasn't that going on with life?  I even cooked dinner at least four times a
week!At first after Daniel's death, I would have liked to have had my life
literally stopped and been buried next to my son, but I kept existing. Like
the plastic bag tossed about by the wind, I was fluttering, being carried by
the events of life.
>    Seasons came and went.  In the spring, I planted marigolds and tomato
vines.  In the autumn I jumped in fallen leaves with my children.  I
continued; I still am continuing to live.Now, I may be bereaved but I am by
no means a fool.  As I ponder the meaning behind "getting on with life, " I
am capable of knowing exactly what those who say this have in mind.  "Forget
your dead child. Quit grieving.  You make me uncomfortable!"  Getting on
with life means don'tacknowledge August 25th, Daniel's birthday, anymore.
Forget how he slid down the snowy bank in the recycle bin, sang in the van
and ate Gummy Bears.  Forget he had cancer, suffered and died at only age
four.  Don't see the empty chair at the dinner table, don't cry, just
live!Some who are more "religious" would like to believe that a bereaved
parent can claim, "My child is safe and happy in Heaven.  Therefore, why
should I yearn for him?" Perhaps, I pose a threat to certain types because I
have let it be known I questi
>  on God.  I weep.  I have been angry.  I miss myDaniel.  Maybe old friends
feel if they hang around me too long I might convince them that a few of
their illusions about life are just that, only illusions.  As my cries of
anguish are heard, there are those who can only think how to make me be
quiet.  To stop my heartfelt yearnings they say quite sternly, "You must get
on with your life."I am living.  I do move on with life with Daniel in my
mind and in my heart.  Although he is not physically here, as I continue to
live, I continue to love.  To sever his memory totally from my life would be
creating destruction and damage that would ruin me.  To push Daniel out of
my life and not be able to freely mention his name or write and speak about
who he was on earth would bring only more pain to my life.  I'dshrivel up.
Comfort for me comes in remembering with smiles how he drew with a blue
marker on his sister's wall, ran outside naked and picked green tomatoes.
For the reality is
>  , getting on with life means continuing to cherish Daniel.~by Alice J.
Wisler<<<
>
>
>
>
> big hugs
>
>
>
> Mandy,mum to Matthew 10,Charlotte 8 , Gareth (t18 ^i^ Nov 14th'99) Dominic
(Cystic Hygroma ^i^ July 23rd '00) and soon to be mum of our "special little
someone" (England UK)
>
> http://www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000
>
> "Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt
the same wound" - Thomas Jefferson
>
>
>
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