[tri-wings] Getting on with life..what does it mean?

Thought I'd share this with you all...

>>"Getting On With Life"-What Does It Mean?Of all the statements and spiritual 
>>platitudes quoted at me since my son, Daniel's death, the phrase that I hear 
>>most frequently makes me squirm the most.  "You have to get on with your 
>>life."  Recently, I quit squirming long enough to ponder the meaning behind 
>>this phrase that is usually saidto the bereaved in the form of a command.  
>>Exactly what does this phrase mean?  What are people implying when they say 
>>it?I was pregnant when Daniel died and three months later, I gave birth to a 
>>baby girl.  Wasn't that getting on with life?  I nurtured my three children, 
>>took them to school, the park and birthday parties.  Now wasn't that going on 
>>with life?  I even cooked dinner at least four times a week!At first after 
>>Daniel's death, I would have liked to have had my life literally stopped and 
>>been buried next to my son, but I kept existing. Like the plastic bag tossed 
>>about by the wind, I was fluttering, being carried by the events of life.  
>>Seasons came and went.  In the spring, I planted marigolds and tomato vines.  
>>In the autumn I jumped in fallen leaves with my children.  I continued; I 
>>still am continuing to live.Now, I may be bereaved but I am by no means a 
>>fool.  As I ponder the meaning behind "getting on with life, " I am capable 
>>of knowing exactly what those who say this have in mind.  "Forget your dead 
>>child. Quit grieving.  You make me uncomfortable!"  Getting on with life 
>>means don'tacknowledge August 25th, Daniel's birthday, anymore.  Forget how 
>>he slid down the snowy bank in the recycle bin, sang in the van and ate Gummy 
>>Bears.  Forget he had cancer, suffered and died at only age four.  Don't see 
>>the empty chair at the dinner table, don't cry, just live!Some who are more 
>>"religious" would like to believe that a bereaved parent can claim, "My child 
>>is safe and happy in Heaven.  Therefore, why should I yearn for him?" 
>>Perhaps, I pose a threat to certain types because I have let it be known I 
>>question God.  I weep.  I have been angry.  I miss myDaniel.  Maybe old 
>>friends feel if they hang around me too long I might convince them that a few 
>>of their illusions about life are just that, only illusions.  As my cries of 
>>anguish are heard, there are those who can only think how to make me be 
>>quiet.  To stop my heartfelt yearnings they say quite sternly, "You must get 
>>on with your life."I am living.  I do move on with life with Daniel in my 
>>mind and in my heart.  Although he is not physically here, as I continue to 
>>live, I continue to love.  To sever his memory totally from my life would be 
>>creating destruction and damage that would ruin me.  To push Daniel out of my 
>>life and not be able to freely mention his name or write and speak about who 
>>he was on earth would bring only more pain to my life.  I'dshrivel up.  
>>Comfort for me comes in remembering with smiles how he drew with a blue 
>>marker on his sister's wall, ran outside naked and picked green tomatoes.  
>>For the reality is, getting on with life means continuing to cherish 
>>Daniel.~by Alice J. Wisler<<<


 

big hugs



Mandy,mum to Matthew 10,Charlotte 8 , Gareth (t18 ^i^ Nov 14th'99) Dominic 
(Cystic Hygroma ^i^ July 23rd '00) and soon to be mum of our "special little 
someone" (England UK)

http://www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000 

"Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the 
same wound" - Thomas Jefferson 



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