[tri-wings] FW: I have not laughed this hard in a long time...

Dear All,
      I hope I do not offend anyone for some of the language in this
forward.  My husband sent this to me and it made me laugh.  Anyone who =
gets
a lot of snow will probably appreciate as we do!  :-)

Christine

Christine and Dan, parents to Hope ( t18   ^i^   9/27/02)
"The trials in life are not to make us fail, but to see how far we can
fly."   -Anon

----- Forwarded by Christine Krenzer/Teachers/CassadagaValley/Erie1 on
01/29/03 04:07 PM -----

This is just so true...and funny!!!

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma
Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a mor=
e
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've eve=
r
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I
did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel
again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow b=
y
the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to
?20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away=
,
but
I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The
snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't=

realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainl=
y
get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought
snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour,
which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere=
.
Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess
I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate
it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own livin=
g
room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by
twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're
out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I=

have
to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying=
.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more
inches
of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
'til
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel,
and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed
and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who ha=
s
a
plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too
busy. I
think the asshole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife
wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!=
!
Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I thin=
k
she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch=

who
drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat
him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around
the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down
the
street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've
just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and
open
our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry F!=3D3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the
!=3D3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
blood
boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for=

a
donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I
have a
bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's =
a
Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
microwave.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was=

all
HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber
came
after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace=

all
my pipes.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving
me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could
cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think=

I
am?

December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now
suing
me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also=

for
trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home t=
o
her
mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.=


January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep=

giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?




"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
that we shall pay any price, bear any hardship, support
any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and success
of Liberty" ~ John F. Kennedy - 1961
=AB:*=B4`=B3=A4=B3=B4`*:=BB=A7=AB:*=B4`=B3=A4=B3=B4`*:=BB=A7=AB:*=B4`=B3=
=A4=B3=B4`*:=BB=A7=AB:*=B4`=B3=A4=B3=B4`*:=BB







=


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: