[tri-wings] Re: Emotions

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When I first lost my Rebecca, I was just in a state of
numb.............I couldn't get what other people where on
about.........I was absolutely cocooned in numb..........and then,
slowly, it started to wear off......last Friday was her 3rd angel day,
and I can honestly say, it was not easy......I feel real pain when I cry
now, not the "shocked" tears that I had before........and the tears are
unexpected, and I keep thinking that I should be further down the
road........when she first died, I wanted to sink into a bottomless pit
and grieve for her, but it just wouldn't happen.......and I was
mad.....it was my pit, and I wanted it!!  But it didn't happen, and I
just limped along......and now I feel that the tears are the ones I
wanted and needed back then...........it would have been so much easier
to explain (even to myself)..........but, I do except that whatever and
whenever I feel, it is normal, and it is my grief, and it will take the
course it needs to, so I will just go along with it and not fight
it........sounds easy of course.........:-)  and the guilt.....oh don't
go there.....if I hadn't left my husband to look after her, I would have
known that she was dying........maybe I killed her by not being careful
enough, by not panicking earlier?? But I can't change what has happened,
and I KNOW that she loves me, and I know that she has no
regrets............and I know that she does not miss me..............in
heaven, there are no tears, no mourning..........I accept that her life
was only ever going to be 73 days long, no matter what I
did...........thank you Lord, that she lived that long, long enough for
me to love her, but not nearly long enough...........you are in my
prayers, along with every mom whose heart is broken over the loss of
their precious child (((((Georgiann and Susan))))

With love

Kathy s
Mom to Rebecca Dawn T18, 7 March 2003 to 19 May 2003

-----Original Message-----
From: tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:tri-wings-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] 


Georgiann, My Rebecca died on February 5 06 and I am still feeling the
same
way, now I understand why people would always say that so and so is not
coping well with their loss, it seems it gets harder rather then easier
as
the time passes............ I have a friend who lost her disabled son in
October, she agrees, it gets harder first,

Susan mom to Rebecca t18m 06/06/91 - 05/02/06 and Mark age 13 1/2 ADD/LD



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