[tri-wings] Re: Emotions

Oh Georgiann,
   
  I'm so sorry for what you are feeling and the pain you are in.  I, and I'm 
sure all of us here, know the excruciating pain and the indescribable sorrow 
and grief you are feeling.  Even though our journeys are different, the grief 
and pain must be the same.  I'm so sorry you lost your little Lauren.  I know 
what you mean about not having enough time, and I don't think anyone ever can 
"go there" and prepare for the deaths of their babies, I don't think its 
possible.  I'm so sorry it hurts so much.  I hurt with you.
   
  Ruth (Mom to Jill 2/9/06 - 2/27/06 Full T-13)
Georgiann Duggan <geduggan@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
  Hello everyone,

I am not sure if this will even make any sense, but I thought I would ask 
for your help/opinions/advice..

As most of you know Lauren, who just turned 3 on April 4th, passed away on 
April 27th.. I am having an extremely hard time, although talking to me, 
you probably wouldn't know it..

Talking to others I am very composed and I can tell anyone that I know 
Lauren is in a better place and that I am very happy she is not suffering 
anymore... which I absolutely believe.. However, I am a mess inside and I 
am finding that I cannot even talk about her more that a few minutes... 
Every time I really start thinking about her I become a mess and cannot even 
get my thoughts together.. Which is starting to happen now, so please bear 
with me....

I get so upset when I starting thinking about her or praying to her all I 
can do is say that I am sorry to her and I wish I would have done more 
whiile I had her.... I feel like we just took for granted that she had 
lived so long and we acted like she was never going to leave us, even though 
we knew it could happen. I am overwhelmed with this guilt and I am going 
crazy...

I wish when I thought about and prayed to her that it would be wonderful 
thoughts.... But I cannot get stop saying I am sorry, I miss you and I love 
you..... I can't say anything else... I wish I would have held her more, 
read to her more, played with her more.. everything.... People are 
constantly saying that she was very lucky because we did so much with her.. 
But if I knew or realized that her time here was going to end I would have 
had her by my side at all times. I am constantly thinking, what if I would 
have done things differently..

I am also afraid of what she is thinking of me.. Does she look down on me 
and think - I wish my Mommy did more...

I know Steve and I were good parents to Lauren, and I cannot even express 
all of the love I had for her.. I miss her so much, I would give anything 
to have her back... but I still think - what if -

Well, at this point, I really can't even see the screen..

Thank you for listening!!

Georgiann
(Mommy to Emily 5, Matthew almost 1 and our angel Lauren - and wife to 
Steve)

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