[tri-wings] Double for Grandparents

> .and like I said before Grandparents (I believe) have double the
> emotional strain....they lost a grandchild but also have to watch their child
> go through the pain.
> 
> big hugs

Boy, Mandy, you hit the nail right on the head.  It is almost 11 months
since we lost Hope.  And when I talked to Cheryl on Saturday, she said this
is going to be the hardest month.  And her husband is just starting to
realize that the grief is there.  He has been so busy working that he just
hasn't taken time to grieve.  He has been there for Cheryl, but he hasn't
allowed himself the same priviledge.

I want so badly to go to see them, and go to the cemetery, and be there for
Hope's birthday.  But -  they are hurting so much that they are trying to
keep so busy that they don't have time to let anyone in.  When I ask when we
can come to visit, I get, "We aren't going to be here hardly at all, so it
probably won't do you any good to come."  Then I start worrying.  Why aren't
you going to be there?  What are you trying to do?  But they are taking a
vacation - just the two of them, or so I thought.  They are going with two
other couples and one set of parents to a friend's condo in Florida.  At
least they will have a room of their own.  Not what I would call time to
deal with the realities and feelings that they have, but I'm just "Mom" - or
in this case -  MIL - as the case may be.

I miss my daughter.  I miss the closeness we had that now seems lost because
it is so hard to talk over the telephone lines.  And I miss my granddaughter
and all she would have been.

My other granddaughter just turned 18 months old on Thursday of last week.
So I called her up to sing "Happy Half Birthday to You".  Thankfully, they
weren't home, so I could be silly and just sing to the recorder.  And I know
I'm spoiling her terribly.  I love to watch everything she does, but she
lives two hours away, too.  Today they came to my mom's - great-grandma's
apartment - and we grandparents got to just enjoy the excitement of a little
one with so much energy.  I don't know how to explain to my son and
daughter-in-law how much we need to see their little one.   And how jealous
I am of my D-I-L's parents who live just a couple blocks away.

As I sit here and cry, I know that Cheryl is crying, too.  And I can't be
there to hug her and tell her I love her.   Gosh, it hurts.  Enough.

Thanks, Gloria and Robin, for a great day on Saturday.  I had a really good
time.  And I needed that.

Thanks, Mandy, for always being here.  I'm just getting caught up on lots of
digests.  Since school started, I just haven't had time.

Sheila
Grandma to Hope  Nov. 1, 2001 


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