[tri-wings] Can anyone relate to this. Second try.


Hi all
Sorry about the previous try, I have typed it in so I'm sure this time.
 I found this article related to my family exactly and even though Matti had 
now passed away the article still hold relevance I think for many who have lost 
their Babies/Children. What do you think.?
As I said I think professionals could also benefit from reading it. You may 
like to pass it along.
Margaret Sutton
Mum to Greg 33 yrs and Matti forever 28 yrs (Mosaic Trisomy 13)
Sydney Australia

One day at a time.

On Chronic Sorrow
From the Hydrocephalus Association Newsletter, Spring. 1998

Chronic Sorrow is a term coined by sociologist Simon Olshanshy to describe the 
long term reaction of parents who have a child with a disability. This 
pervasive reaction is often not recognised or understood by those around 
parents--professionals, family and friends. These feelings of chronic sorrow 
are normal and to be expected and accepted, given the life-long implications 
for the family and child.

Many factors can affect the intensity and exhibition of chronic sorrow: the 
parent's personalities, the severity of the disability and the adequacy of 
support and services provided.

Chronic sorrow does not mean that the parents don't love or feel pride in their 
child. These feelings, and many other feelings, exist alongside the sadness. It 
is as if many threads are woven side by side, bright and dark, in a fabric of 
the parents lives. They co-exist; they do not blend into one colour, or feeling.

Because ours is such a "can do" society, there is pressure on parents to 
quickly put their feelings of sadness away or deny them. Parents are told to 
"think positively and "to get on with your lives."
They are told that God has " selected" them to receive this special child 
because they are such strong people.
These kinds of comments, while well meant, deny the validity or parental 
log-term grieving. The discomfort of observing pain in those we care about can 
be part of the reason for such comments from others.

Grieving, however, is a process that takes time, often years. It's a prickly 
bush that one must go through, not jump over.  It is lonely to be the only 
family on the block with a child with a disability.

Chronic sorrow becomes a permanent part of the personality structure of most 
parents who have a child with a disability. It's a normal response. Its thread 
narrows and widens depending on life situations: most often it is accepted with 
courage. And, although permanent, it is not the dominant force in interactions 
with our children.

The dominant forces are love and feelings of connectedness to them.

Margaret Sutton
Mum to Greg 33 yrs and Matti forever 28 yrs (Mosaic Trisomy 13)
Sydney Australia

One day at a time.

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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