[tri-wings] Re: Can I Still Grieve? (long vent - sorry)

I have been reading about this still grieving.  I have been so hard on 
myself lately.  Savannah has been gone just over 4 years (as of June 15th, 
2005).  June 15th came and went and I forgot, how could I forget!  I don't 
know how.  4 days went by and I burst into tears becasue I forgot that it 
was her Angel Day.  I sobbed, huge heavy tears.  Those tears haven't come 
since I lost her and since her funeral.  I don't know why I forgot her Angel 
day.  Don sat there and let me cry on his shoulder and told me that he 
remembered but felt terrible if he brought it up because he didn't want to 
upset me, I got upset because I wanted him to remind me.  Why should he have 
to remind me?  He shouldn't have to remind me, 4 years ago June 15th, she 
passed from my arms to God's arms and I didn't remember.  How horrible is 
that!

I am sorry to be ranting, this is just so hard.  I can't seem to forgive 
myself for forgetting.  I can't get over it.  Don tells me not to be so hard 
on myself that I love her with everything I have.

I was thinking of her and then she gave me a tink the other morning.  This 
is the first real tink that I have really had from her since she has been 
gone.  I was sitting at my desk at the office, just looking at her picture 
that I have on my desk and just telling her I was sorry that I forgot and I 
had my hand under my nose.  I could smell her on my hand...  She has a 
unique baby smell, one smell I will never forget and it didn't go away for 
awhile, probably 5 minutes or longer.  I started just softly crying, tears 
forming at the corners of my eyes.  I got up from my desk, went outside, I 
could still smell her.  Savannah was telling me that it was ok, she knows 
that I always think of her and I still live my life the way she would want 
and the way the Lord wants for me.  I always trust and believe.

I would never change a single decision I ever made for my sweet Savannah.  I 
never regret a single day that I had with her.  I had her in my arms with me 
and I passed her on to go and play with little Laura and all the other 
Angels in Heaven.

I love you my sweet little girl, Miss Savannah.  As we approach your 5th 
birthday my love, we will celebrate and send you balloons heavenward.  All 
mommy's love my dear!

Darcy - Mommy to Savannah Kristyne (12/12/00 - 6/15/01 ^I^ T-18), wife to my 
Soulmate Don and my two step-children Ashton (7) and CameoDawn (5) 

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
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