[tri-wings] Re: Brittany

Robin,
 
I live within 15 minutes of where our girls are buried and rarely go to  the 
cemetery.  I chose to believe that we have left only their ashes there.  Their 
real "remains" are here in our house. What "remains" are their photos, a  few 
special toys, clothes, etc.... but most importantly what remains are the  
amazing gifts they left in each of us. 
Brittany knows that she wasn't forgotten.  You don't need to "do"  anything 
out of the ordinary to honor her or celebrate her. I really think that  for 
each of us, we do show honor and gratitude to our children on a daily basis. 
Each day that we get out of bed, get to work, or manage to share a smile,  we 
do it because of the strength that we've gained, by having had the experience 
 of living in the presence of someone truly amazing.
If my girls, had been anything but the awesome, life changing, little  people 
that they were, I never would have survived their loss.  I  know, that if not 
for the impact that they had in my life, I would not have  been able to go 
on. I am not that strong.
I truly believe that our children are not far from us. They don't exist in  a 
plot of land in a cemetery. They exist in our homes, our thoughts, our  
memories and in our hearts. I have to believe that there is more there after we 
 
die and our kids continue to be a part of our lives even if we can't see or 
hear 
 them. I chose to believe that they watch over us, and can hear our words, 
even  if we don't say them out loud.
If the need is there to do something more tangible, I've had fun doing  
little things for others i.e. paying for a meal for the stranger who is in line 
 
behind us in a drive through, sending books over to the elementary school for a 
 
classroom,  helping someone clear snow from their car windows in a parking  
lot, shoveling the neighbor's sidewalk, sending $ to the local food shelf,   
taking a supply of diapers and wipes to the battered women's shelter. At 
holiday 
 time we had fun purchasing gifts for a family in need at the elementary  
school.
 
Simple things that make someone's day a bit easier go a long way toward  
honoring the memory of our kids.
I know that for all the trips we've made to the hospital in recent months,  I 
appreciate those who donated blankets or story books for the kids to take  
home, or the magazine subscriptions that people have donated.
We all have opportunities all around us to share some of what we've  learned. 
I believe that we can pass on the lesson of  caring about  someone regardless 
of what they might do for us in return. What better way to  honor the 
children, then to share that with others. 
Think of the messages sent in honor of little Evan who most recently joined  
our kids. Those notes, to remind his devastated family that they aren't alone, 
 were selfless little gifts that we wouldn't be capable of giving if it  
weren't for kids like Brittany who taught us that we can and will continue  on. 
Each time someone leaves a post here, it reaches people who will gain  
something, and honors the memory of the ones that we lost.  To me it seems  
much more 
valuable than a visit to a cemetery....Should we dwell on what we've  lost or 
what we've gained ?.... clearly both are important. Are we supposed to  hold on 
to the gifts of our memories, or do we pass them on ??
 
Ok, the lack of sleep has clearly taken it's toll and once again I've spent  
lots of time and space babbling.  I appreciate being able to read and learn  
from all of you. I love taking this selfish time to read your posts and find  
immense comfort in having the common ground that we're all on. I thank all of  
our little ones for being strong enough to bring a group of people together 
from  all over the globe. What powerful little beings..........
 
 
Nancy,
Mom to Tony (10), Ian (5), Paul (5), India (4), Logan  (3),
and Angels
Sky (11/23/92--8/26/06), and Analee T-18  (7/22/96--7/4/06).

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