[tri-wings] Birthdays and angel days

Thanks to all who sent special thoughts and hugs for Dominic's angel day. I was 
and still am a complete mess but it does help to know that people remember and 
do care.
Life here has been one rollercoaster ride that I don't want to repeat since 
Alfie and I got home from Aus. Matt tried to take his own life after a week 
away with his dad and having buried two children, I was so scared that I would 
be doing it all again.He still isn't out of the woods but he is much better at 
the moment. Barry was told that his job had two years left and then complete 
closure of the site where he works.On Thursday ,the two years changed to two 
months and we are now facing either moving closer to London or me being here 
with the children and Barry working away and coming home for two days per 
week(something I am not too happy about at all) or Barry commuting each day 
which I feel will kill him :-(
I think because of everything else ,Dominic's angel day hit me worse than I 
imagined.After five years I thought I would be upset but not distraught......I 
was wrong! 
Yesterday I drove back home to visit my boys graves and it was one heck of 
journey back here.I honestly do not believe that they are where the graves are 
and I carry them wherever I go but as I turned to walk away from the cemetery 
it was like I was leaving them all alone.Gareth's grave was a mess and that 
upset me because I can't get to visit any more often than I do.There was no 
sign that anyone else (daddy included) had been to visit and I know that to 
everyone else in the family time has now moved on and they have forgotten or 
chose not to remember.Sometimes I think I'm the only one who still feels the 
pain.I don't ever want to forget but sometimes I think that I'm getting 
nowhere. 
I miss my boys with every beat of my heart.
hugs
Mandy,wife to Baz, mum to Matthew(12),Charlotte (11) , Gareth (t18 ^i^ 
14/11/99)and Dominic (CH ^i^ 23/7/00) and my little pot of gold at the end of a 
very long rainbow
,Alfie( 19 Apr 04),
step mum to Katie(^i^) Ed (16)and Lucy(15 )England,UK
www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000 
When the young bury the old, time heals the pain and sorrow. 
But when the process is reversed,the sorrow remains forever.(Joseph P. Kennedy)



                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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