[tri-wings] Re: Birthday & Angel days--Regan

(((((Aimee)))))

>               On Feb 11, 2009, at 8:19 PM, Meierlaw wrote:
>               If I have bitterness, it is over the fact that no
>               one seems to care or remember Regan, or that
>                       I might be hurting.


It can really hurt when family doesn't seem to care.  Two of Dick's  
brothers didn't even come to Hope's funeral because they thought it  
was no big deal, I guess.  The church was packed with friends and my  
family, but not Dick's.  Even after 10 years, we still cry when we go  
to the cemetery.

>               took a rose to Regan's grave Monday morning
>               for her birthday and immediately burst out in tears.    
>               After three years it is still so painful I can hardly
>               allow myself to feel the reality of it all.  . . . , my arms
>               are still empty and I'm still devastated that my baby is gone.


You are not being unreasonable.  BUT. . .  maybe there is something  
that you could do to help them give you the support you need.  Maybe  
a month before the date, you could mention (in conversation casually)  
that your friend is going to do a balloon release (or whatever).   
That way they would know that it doesn't hurt as much to talk and  
remember as when no one says anything.  Cheryl has promised herself  
that Hope's birthday (and Ali's) would always be vacation days for  
her.  Denny does the same for Hope's day.  That helps her friends to  
remember, too.   I think sometimes they remember Regan, but they  
aren't as focused on which day it was as you are.  Therefore, they  
don't want to 'goof up' and say something on the wrong date.  I know  
I feel that way about Cheryl's high school friend who also lost a  
baby.  I remember her baby all the time, but I have totally forgotten  
even what time of the year it was.  So, every once in a while, I just  
mention that I remember her loss.  I've learned, but it took a long  
time.

Anticipating the worst can be an awful way to live from day to day.   
I really hope that you can grow into a comfort zone with Rachel.  I  
know that is impossible.  But I still hope for it.

>               I am more afraid than ever of losing Rachel, too.


Share your feelings any time you want.  You know that we are always  
here to listen.  Sometimes though, we just don't know what to say, so  
we don't respond.  Or someone else has already said what we had  
thought of.  It doesn't matter.  We all goof up.  I hope you can have  
a great day today, remembering Regan.



Always there for a Hug and a Prayer!

Hugs,
Sheila  Helleson

Minnesota Grandma to:
Hope (T-18 ^i^ 11-1-1) & Alison, AKA Ali (4); Cadence, AKA Cade (7)  
and Bridge (4)
Mom to Cheryl (& Denny);  Wade (& Charity)
Wife to Richard

"Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow."--  
Swedish Proverb
Laughter and tears are the healing medicines of God.







                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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