[tri-wings] Re: Bess on Back on clomid

 
In a message dated 12/13/2006 9:24:48 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,  
Marianne.Deaton@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
It sucks  because I want him close and he keeps pushing me a way.
I think he is  scared more for me then for losing another child.


Perhaps Paul can share a bit of insight here, but I know that so many men  
seem to do just what you describe. I think that perhaps they are so very afraid 
 
of seeing us in that pain. That pain is something they can do nothing about 
and  pulling away from it is the only way they know how to protect themselves. 
I  would guess from seeing my husband and so many other men go through this 
with us  that the pain of seeing us in pain is probably worse than the pain, or 
at least  equal to the pain they experienced from the loss itself. My husband 
says no more  kids, and I know that some of that comes from our age (me 39 he 
41) but some of  it also comes from the fear of losing another. We have lost 
three (2 to  miscarriage and Emma at 13 days old) and seeing me in that pain is 
almost more  than he can bear. He also told me after Will was born he could 
barely stand the  stress of the pregnancy, yet he never once mentioned through 
the whole thing how  stressed he was. He reassured me the whole time that 
everything was ok. This  tells me he just buried his own pain and worries to 
care 
for me, but at the same  time he was very distant. His reassurances came out 
as flippant sometimes and  off hand. I think that the distance thing is a 
protective measure, one of the  only ways they know how to keep from feeling 
that 
pain again. 
 
Just my rambling thoughts.

Bess


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